My cousin was camping in Northern California with her family when they decided to pitch their tents near Bluff Creek, which is about 25 miles northwest of Orleans, in Humboldt County. While they were out scrounging for dry wood so they could make a fire and eat dinner, one of her kids found a rather large piece of bark nailed to a tree with a walnut shell. The unusual thing about this piece of bark was that it had graphite writing all over it, and seemed to be in another language. Fortunately, my cousin has her PhD in linguistics and quickly discovered that this bark note was The Unauthorized Deathbed Letter Of Bigfoot.
Yes, that’s correct, the one and only Bigfoot. And while he was preparing to see the Big Sasquatch up in the sky, he took the time leave a letter for us humans, because he felt the need to explain himself after all these years of playing cat and mouse with our curiosity. And yes, the character in the movie ‘The Arrival’ was based upon my cousin, however, in real life, my cousin is way smarter than what the film depicted, and that’s saying a lot. So now without further adieu, here’s The Unauthorized Deathbed Letter Of Bigfoot and we hope you learn as much about life as we did too.
Life has a cruel sense of humor when you finally take the time think about it. I spent my whole life trying to forge my own path at the behest of my parents, and due to my stubbornness, or my Mechla as my father liked to call it, I got lost in my own ego. I guess I felt too controlled when I was younger, and I let everyone walk all over me, well, until the day I snapped. It was like it was all building up inside my whole life and then one day I just let it all out. No one saw it coming, and I needed to get away from my family immediately. I wanted to show them that I didn’t need them and that I’d thrive without them. So I went out on my own, foraging for food, being at one with the forests, the sky, and the water. I didn’t need anyone or anything, I was doing fine, and I was glad to be out from underneath the rule and lack of personal boundaries that my family set for me.
AIong my journey, I learned from a very wise owl, that I was living a co-dependent life, and it was healthy for me to be my own person, but as I was doing so, I did get into some relationships with other Sasquatch along the way as I was getting lonely. Unfortunately, all of these relationships ended the same way as my family relationships, with my personal space and boundaries not being respected. So instead of doing some inward work on myself, I moved further and further away from the safe havens of the trees, as having a normal relationship just didn’t seem in the cards for me.
When I was finally near the outskirts of forest life, I found the solace I was looking for and went about my days in peace. However, even though I was in a perceived peaceful state, my soul blamed everyone else for what went wrong in all my past relationships. And because I couldn’t make peace with my past, my inner turmoil ran rampant, even as the outer world had finally left me alone.
One day, while hunting for a snack, I came across a strange looking yellow toad, and it was quite plump, so I ate it. And all of a sudden, it’s toxic skin created a euphoric high in which I’ve never experienced before. It felt like the best hug you’ve ever had that never let go. I was hooked, and it wasn’t too long before I became a full-blown yellow toad addict. Most of my days from then on out were spent being high for three days straight, then crashing, then repeating the process over and over again. As the yellow toad population became scarce, I became more daring and found myself closer to human populations than ever before. My addiction had completely overtaken my life, and every step I took looking for my next toad fix was putting life at risk as humans seemed to be infatuated by me. It was fun playing hide and seek for a while, but when you’re an addict, eventually they just get in the way. And with a combination of my overeating and their strip mall society, the yellow toads disappeared for good, and I was put into a forced detox.
After two weeks of intense sweating and barfing, with a ton of hair loss in the process, I was finally on the other side of my cravings. After 40 years of self-imposed solitary confinement, and all I could do was cry. I finally saw myself. I saw mistakes. I went to the beginning and saw how I was infringing on my own boundaries, and maybe it was me that was partly to blame when it came to my previous relationships. It takes two to tango, and I was just as guilty as those trying to knock down my boundaries because I let them. I knew going forward that I needed to be stronger when it came to these issues, and that I should talk them out instead of running away from confrontation.
So after all these years, I finally went back to see my family, but sadly, they were nowhere to be found. The village I was from no longer existed and was now inhabited by a Human Wilderness Retreat For Vegans. I was devastated but continued to search for anyone from my species, and no matter what old stomping grounds I visited, everyone had moved on. And now that I’m writing this, I’m ready to move on as well.
I just wish that I could have been more self-aware when I was younger because as I lay here dying, I just wish I was surrounded by people that I loved and loved me back, but instead, it’s just me and my pet rock, Dave.
P.S. Whoever finds this letter, please take care of Dave for me.
If you or a loved one you know is showing signs of a Mental Health Disorder, whether it be Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Scizophrenia, Addiction, Body Dysmorphia etc., or maybe you just need someone to talk to, please do get the help you need. If you feel like you need to talk to someone right now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.