The Unauthorized Deathbed Letter Of Count Dracula

Posted by Edward Ernest | Jul 4, 2018 | Deathbed Literature, Relationships | 0 |

An employee of ours was touring one of the biggest wooden stake factories in the world for a story, when they saw a man jump from a staircase to a stake covered conveyor belt below. Horrified, our employee ran over to see if this person was still alive, but there was nothing left but a holy-looking vampires outfit laid over a pile of smoldering ash. While rummaging through the hot pockets, our employee found broken up bits of paper from the stake penetration, and when all of the pieces were put together, our employee immediately realized that this was the deathbed letter of the one and only Count Dracula. 

So we here at Massive Phobia have done our best to translate this important Deathbed Warning Letter to the best of our ability(due to English being Count Dracula’s 7th or 8th language), and we hope you take heed with its message.

I’ve always said that if I ever find myself so out of place in the world, then it’s time for me go. I’ve lived through Grand Wars, The Black Death, The Industrial Revolution, The Printing Press, and The Renaissance. Through all of those times, I was able to adapt. Time, technology, and people moved much more slowly back then. However, in the last 30 years, the world has made it impossible for me to adapt and in my opinion, it will only get much worse.

They say speed kills and it seems everyone is in a rush to build a better lightbulb. Every day things are becoming bigger, stronger, and faster. And with all these technological advances, humans have lost their privacy and freedoms, and they were more than happy to do so.

For someone like myself, with all the cameras, triangulations of cell phone data, holographic passports(I don’t even show up in pictures), and estate taxes, maneuvering through borders with the watchful eye of all government agencies has become increasingly difficult. In response, and contrary to popular belief that I can turn into a bat and fly, I am more susceptible to being found than ever. And when it comes to feeding, I have been forced to become a vegan, by creating a synthetic blood that keeps me alive. However, it does not provide me with the same energy boost that the natural product once gave me. But even if I could go back, I wouldn’t do so either.

The current state of humankind troubles me greatly. As technology has made tasks easier, the general population has become increasingly less intelligent. Grammar skills are a thing of the past, followed by spelling, attention spans, and reasoning. Barely a soul reads books anymore and all people want to do is take pictures of themselves, their dogs, and their food. Part of my meal ritual was getting to know the person that about to give me their life to help sustain mine. To me, it was beautiful. And you can call me old-fashioned, but if I didn’t have a connection with you, then I could not consummate my relationship with you. And finding someone that I have a connection with, in this day and age, is like finding a black cat in a coal cellar.

They say everyone in the world is more connected than ever. And while that may be true in one sense, if the connection is proven to be faulty, does it even matter anyway?

– Vlad Tepes


If you or a loved one you know is showing signs of a Mental Health Disorder, whether it be Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Scizophrenia, Addiction, Body Dysmorphia etc., or maybe you just need someone to talk to, please do get the help you need. If you feel like you need to talk to someone right now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.


This post was created with the help of Grammarly.

Photo Credit: Wikipedia


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