The Unauthorized Deathbed Letter Of Inigo Montoya

Posted by Edward Ernest | Aug 28, 2018 | Addiction, Deathbed Literature, Depression | 0 |

My uncle, Don, was recently vacationing off the Pacific Coast of Mexico, treasure hunting with a crew of other people that have no lives when one of them discovered a giant structure on their image detector as their boat neared an isolated non-mapped island. My uncle being the rebel that he is, jumped into the ocean with full scuba gear and most likely giggled like a child as he made his way to a shallow plateau. According to his story, Uncle Don said his heart stopped when his eyes feasted on a centuries-old pirate ship, with a flag still fully intact that read ‘Dread Pirate Roberts.’ My uncle said he nearly shat himself upon the discovery of the infamous pirate’s ship, and couldn’t wait to find all the treasures inside. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much inside besides a bottled note, so my uncle took it, and in the process, unhooked a nail which made the rest of the ship collapse and pretty much disintegrate into dust particles. Luckily, my uncle made it back to his treasure hunting boat safely, and when he opened the bottle and removed the piece of paper, he quickly realized he was reading the deathbed letter of Inigo Montoya, the last known human to portray the Dread Pirate Roberts, and co-star of the film ‘The Princess Bride.’ We here at Massive Phobia would like to thank my Uncle Don for letting us publish the deathbed letter in full, and hopefully, we can all learn from the life and regrets of Inigo Montoya too.

Upon my father’s murder at the hands of the six-fingered man, I could no longer bare life. My father was not just my guide or my mentor, he was also my best friend. He was everything to me, so when I lost him, I felt I had nothing. A hole opened up in me the size of Guilder, and I began to fill it one drink at a time. It wasn’t until my friend Vizzini presented me with a new job and vision for me tore-channel my sorrow to something much stronger, and thus, my new found obsession with revenge had begun.

The anger associated with my revenge was so focused and strong, that it overwhelmed the sadness I had been feeling as it fully encompassed every nook and cranny of the hole left in my heart by my father’s murder. We traveled the world as mercenaries for hire, and in the process, I searched for that rotten Count Rugen and his disgusting right hand with six fingers. I felt strong, like I had a purpose. And when Fezzik told me that he had spotted Count Rugen and his sickening mutant hand, blood rushed through my veins with the force of a thousand armies. 

With every heart palpation, I would see my father’s face. As the blood rushed, my anger grew stronger. I was in a fit of composed rage when my eyes finally laid upon the man who killed my father, and now he was preparing to die. As my sword blade ripped through his chest, every emotion possible, from anger to sadness, to elation, circulated through me in a frenzy. It was my life’s work……and then it was over.

Revenge had brought me only a fleeting moment of fulfillment when an infinite sadness over my father’s death overtook me, and once again, I had this hole in my heart the size of Guilder that needed to be filled.

I wasted so many years feeling angry about the past, and it was all for not. If only I used those years to have a new family, and share the joy and wisdom my father gave to me, to a wife and children of my own. Honoring my father’s legacy by passing down his knowledge to another generation of Montoya’s, but no. Instead, I lay here with a cannonball wound to my leg……. dying alone.

– Inigo Montoya

* To read more Deathbed Letters, Click Here!


If you or a loved one you know is showing signs of a Mental Health Disorder, whether it be Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Scizophrenia, Addiction, Body Dysmorphia etc., or maybe you just need someone to talk to, please do get the help you need. If you feel like you need to talk to someone right now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.


Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox


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