Dorothy Gale is the silver screen heroine who’s been capturing our hearts since childhood, with some goddamn catchy-ass songs we can’t get out of our heads. Growing up in rural Kansas, kicking around tumbleweeds was probably the most exciting thing that had ever happened to her, at least until she got swept up in a tornado and magically transported to the world of Oz. It’s definitely way cooler than Kansas, but Dorothy’s time there wasn’t all poppies and rainbows. She goes through some shit, and here are the Top Ten Phobias of Dorothy Gale.
Kenophobia | Fear of Empty Spaces – Ever drive through Kansas? It’s flat, boring, and empty. Yawn. If we were Dorothy, we’d probably develop Kenophobia, too. Maybe it should just be called Kansaphobia……. Flat, boring and empty? Is Kansas a metaphor for my life?
Trypanophobia | Fear of Injections – Dorothy runs away because of Miss Gulch (the OG Cruella De Vil) who wants to put Toto to sleep for trespassing in her garden. Seriously, you can’t get more evil than wanting to put down Toto. Honestly, we’re not sure how euthanasia worked in the 1930s, and that’s not a rabbit hole we’re willing to go down. So we’re just gonna say, yeah… fear of injections………..Wow, did I just make a giant leap that wasn’t there? I’m like the Steven Spielberg of Phobia Lists.
Agateophobia – Fear of Insanity – When Dorothy returns from Oz and tells her family about the weird “dream” she had, she insists it was real. However, they don’t believe her, and Dorothy probably wonders if she’s losing it………..This is gaslighting 101, and I know her pain all too well.
Xanthophobia | Fear of the Color Yellow – “Follow the Yellow Brick Road!” I can’t imagine she actually had a great time skipping endlessly down that damn path. And scary shit happened too!!……….My path was more of a skid row and the final destination was to the land of heroin dealers.
Anthophobia | Fear of Flowers – Those poppies, you know what I mean? They’re a bitch when you’re trying to accomplish something. Imagine how much easier Dorothy’s journey might have been if not for that opium poppy field. Opium addiction! It can get the best of you. Just ask the state of Ohio.
Lilasophobia | Fear of Tornadoes or Hurricanes – Dorothy is swept up and carried away to another land in a freaking tornado. At least she landed in one piece………..Honestly, this sounds terrific to me. Family be gone!!
Wiccaphobia or Wiccophobia | Fear of Witches or Witchcraft – Nice try, Glinda, but all your good deeds can’t undo the shit that the Wicked Witch of the West inflicted on Dorothy……….She melted because water go thrown on her? That witch wouldn’t have lasted two minutes in my neighbourhood. What a dummy!!
Arsonophobia | Fear of Fire – Dorothy watches in horror as the Wicked Witch sets the Scarecrow on fire. Talk about nightmare fuel………..And Dorothy just watched? What a shitty friend.
Ombrophobia | Fear of Rain – Girl can’t catch a break. Dousing the Wicked Witch of the West in water saved Dorothy and her friends, but it’s still pretty traumatizing to see someone melt in front of your eyes. Actually, it’s horrifying……….Why am I defending Dorothy? I kinda don’t like her. She’s always complaining and it took her forever to stand up for her homies.
Xylophobia | Fear of Forests – Dorothy doesn’t have the best experience in the Haunted Forest, so it’s understandable that she might acquire xylophobia. Still, she keeps going, even when the Tin Man is lifted off the ground and dropped back down on his ass……..When is this phobia list over? I’m tired of giving Dorothy my empathy.
Ecophobia | Fear of Home – This is a phobia Dorothy actually overcomes! After running away from home, then disappearing to Oz, she finally appreciates her relatives again and states “There’s no place like home.” And that’s why I think Dorothy is nuts because that’s just not real life………….I’m never going home. NEVER!!!!!!
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.
Photo by MGM