Phil Miller: The gross, sex-obsessed doofus from the endearingly nihilistic Last Man on Earth. Over four seasons, we’ve watched Phil shit in a swimming pool, steal cows, and try to have sex with every woman who looks vaguely in his direction. Let’s be honest. Phil Miller isn’t the brightest survivor of the bunch, but he’s definitely in the running for the most fucked up. And he has his giant list of phobias to thank for that.
Autophobia | Fear of Being Alone – Phil spends quite a long time thinking he really is the last man on earth, and he creates a sad, Wilson-like community at an abandoned Tucson bar. You’ve gotta have a little bit of autophobia going on if you try to create a social circle out of sports balls….This life would be quite ideal for me.
Panthophobia | Fear of Suffering and Disease – Considering a deadly virus wiped out literally every person on earth except for Phil and a couple of other lonely stragglers, we can’t really blame him if he gets nervous every time he’s feeling under the weather…..How can I replicate this virus in real life? Anyone?
Androphobia | Fear of Men – Phil only thought he was truly the last man on earth. And he saw it as his pervy duty to repopulate the world with the two remaining fly honeys in the United States. But when he finds out that another man, Todd, has also survived the virus, he gets his tighty whiteys in a twist. Todd has been blessed with a charisma and likeability that our hero just doesn’t have, much to Phil’s chagrin…..If it was me, I would have killed Todd.
Xyrophobia | Fear of Razors – How else would you explain Phil’s scraggly beard?……Or my hairy armpits.
Gynophobia | Fear of Women – Phil tries to bone pretty much every woman he comes across. The problem? He fucking sucks at being remotely seductive. It’s so awkward and cringe-worthy that I have to look away from my TV pretty much every time he meets a new chick. Phil’s clearly got a not-so-mild case of gynophobia……Even my Uncle Rick has more game than Phil Miller.
Harpaxophobia | Fear of Being Robbed – This guy’s “stolen” a hell of a lot of priceless artifacts. No doubt he’s worried about being robbed himself….I’d steal all his shit for sure.
Ablutophobia | Fear of Washing or Bathing – Man, Phil is GROSS. I don’t care if I’m not going to leave my house for a couple of days and not see any other humans; I’m still going to shower. Would it kill Phil to bathe in a river once in a while? How does he not just feel disgusting using a swimming pool as his toilet?…..All of what I said was a big fat lie. I have used a swimming pool as a toilet. Sue me.
Anuptaphobia | Fear of Staying Single – Maybe that’s why he hits on every woman with a pulse? Nah, he’s just a gross horndog…..Such a man.
Ergasiophobia | Fear of Work or Seeing Work – Phil might not be the last man on earth, but he is the laziest. Before Carol rolls into town and pretty much forces him to get his act together, he lives in absolute filth, refusing to do even the most basic housekeeping chores…..Sounds like how I currently live.
Nucleomitophobia | Fear of Nuclear Weapons – As if life couldn’t get worse for Phil and the rest of the survivors, they have to abandon ship and head to Mexico once they find out the nuclear power plants in the United States are starting to melt down from neglect. We can’t really blame Phil and Company for wanting to get the hell out of dodge; nukes ain’t nothing to mess with……As my bowels learned from my most recent trip to Mexico, Mexican water ain’t nothing to mess with either.
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.
Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore