I know what you’re going to say, how can a ‘Superhuman’ who is arguably one of the scariest and most dreaded characters of all time have fears? Well, you don’t become a stone cold killer if something didn’t upset you or set you off, so there must be tons of phobias lurking underneath his chilling white mask. Here are the Top Ten Phobias Of Michael Myers From Halloween.
Fear of Masks | Maskaphobia – What if Michael Myers hides behind a mask because he’s actually afraid of them? I’m afraid of men, and for some reason I let one have intercourse with me now and again. Does this make sense? I really just wanted to use the word intercourse.
Fear of Sharp Objects | Aichmophobia – I mean, the man, if we can even call him that, constantly carries a knife around. Sure it’s his weapon of choice, but perhaps his thoughts are “If I have one, one can’t hurt me?”…….. Can I admit something? I didn’t write this list. I’m just editing someone else’s work, and I’m embarrassed to put my name on it, so I had to say it out loud so you wouldn’t think any less of me. From here on out, I’ll be changing their work drastically because this new employee was very lazy……..I’m shaming you, new employee!!!!
Fear of Walkers | Ambulophobia – Why did the new employee pick this fear? No idea. But it had something to do with Michael Myers fearing people running away from him because he just wants people to lay down and get stabbed with no fight?……..Isn’t that what men expect of women?
Fear of Words | Verbophobia – Have you ever heard him speak? He’s a mute. I think it’s because he’s embarrassed by his poor vocabulary……..and because he most likely has a stutter.
Fear of Halloween | Samhainophobia – Halloween is the day he commits his most awful crimes, not to mention the day he killed his little sister. He probably doesn’t really want to do these things, but he’s been possessed ever since that pagan ritual back in the day……So yeah, sucks to be him.
Fear of Death | Thantophobia – You see, now that he has this pagan ritual hanging over his head, he knows he’s going straight to hell. So maybe this is why he never kills Jamie Lee Curtis? Because when she’s dead, that’s the last of his family members, and he’d be next? This is just speculation though. Please don’t interpret this as real news. We’re not Fox or CNN.
Fear of Intimacy | Genophobia – Remember I talked about the employee who was lazy earlier? Try to explain why he picked this phobia? Unless during the pagan ritual that possessed Michael Myers, they made him have sex with a goat? That would seal the intimacy deal for me…….Wait, I’ve had sex with some real sexist pigs before, and I keep on going back for more……I’ll stop talking now due to shame.
Fear of Sitting | Cathisophobia – Have you ever seen Myers sit? He’s always walking and stalking his prey. According to my sources, he must fear sitting because he’s really into BDSM and the spankings have really taken its toll on his bum-bum.
Fear of Public Speaking | Glossophobia – I think this one is pretty self-explanatory because of that stutter I mentioned earlier……..I wish every politician had this fear.
Fear of Pain | Agliophobia – Even though Michael seems indestructible, with all the slow walking and scary silence stuff, he does get hurt here and there. So yes, he does feel pain, or he wouldn’t fall down from taking a tire iron to the head………..before he eventually kills you.
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
Photo Credit: Compass International