I have three roommates and it creates an environment of diluted responsibility. No one exercises consideration for others. It’s a real treat(sarcasm). In fact, no one’s ever sure who should buy toilet paper, vacuum or take out the garbage next. And I’ve since taken on a cunty mother role in the form of mass texts for calling people out. These are my Top 10 topics of shit that trigger me the fuck out.
From leaving the dishes in the sink, or the sponge soaking in dirty pots (UGH!!!!), to no one vacuuming, nothing ever gets done, I’d like to punch them all in the throat.
Commenting On What I’m Doing/Eating/Look Like
“Rough night?” “ANOTHER snack!? You just ate!” “Oh my god you actually look nice! Going on a date?” Nothing but the hits when it comes to backhanded annoying ass judgemental compliments. I don’t need a running commentary in my own home. Idiots!
Having Visitors Overstay Their Welcome/ Leaving One Night Stands At Home
I just found out we have a visitor staying on our couch for a month. That was after I was asked to lock the door behind the random Tinderella that my roommate left in his bed on his way to work. Eye Roll. Fuckin fuck.
Tagging Along On My Plans
“Oh, you’re heading out to an EDM party!? I LOVE EDM parties. What time should we go?” Is the soundtrack of my life right now. I literally dress down to leave the house, then change into a dress like I’m living with my parents again, just to avoid an unwanted +1.
My roommates tell me secrets about each other and tell me not to bring it up. They ask about my phone convos that they overhear in the kitchen, and open my fucking door when I don’t answer their knocking. It takes all my willpower not to murder them multiple times a day.
Insisting That They Will Buy A Household Item We Need But Never Doing It
This is their favorite deflection. “Getting it later, don’t worry!” And then “stop nagging” when I ask for a 3rd time a week later. Fucktards.
Eating My Groceries – Using My Lactose-Free Milk – Not Replacing It
They’ve made eye contact with me while freely pouring my lactose-free milk into their smoothies. Shameless.
Staying Up Late, Watching Movies On Full Blast Outside Of My Room.
Nothing screams “fuck you” like listening to action movies on full blast after 2 am outside my door. Sidenote: This roommate is now deathly afraid of me and rightfully so.
Talking In The Morning
One of my roommates is a morning person. I am not. Yet, somehow, it always escalates to being shown dick picks from Grindr. I’m a woman, that doesn’t mean I like seeing dicks, you fucking dick.
Inviting Homophobic Friends Over And Asking Us To Tone It Down
Half of our home identifies as being gay, yet one of us is friends with homophobes, and this has been the bane of my existence.
If you or a loved one you know is showing signs of a Mental Health Disorder, whether it be Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Scizophrenia, Addiction, Body Dysmorphia etc., or maybe you just need someone to talk to, please do get the help you need. If you feel like you need to talk to someone right now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
Photo Credit: Joe Shlabotnik