Top 10 Things You Should Never Say To A Gay Person

Posted by Harriet | Jun 21, 2018 | Identity, Lists, Top 10 Lists | 0 |

Here’s the thing. I’m from a small town with about five gay people in it- all of whom I can name. When I came out, I had to battle against the heteronormative narrative when normalizing my lifestyle. The first thing I noticed was the frequency with which I was being subjected to very shocking and personal questions. In honor of that, here’s my list of the Top 10 Things You Should Never Say To A Gay Person:

1) “How do you know you’re not attracted to women if you‘ve never slept with one?” Because I’ve never WANTED to sleep with one. Or you could reply “Well DAVE, how do you know if you’re not gay if you’ve never slept with a dude?”

2) How do you girls have sex? OR (for men) Are you a bottom? OR if you’re bisexual, you hear, “are you’re into threesomes?” We don’t ask about your sex life, so don’t fucking inquire about ours. Look it up online like straight sex.

3) Trying to set up or compare the gay people that you meet. “I know a gayl! You’re just like them” or “you two would be perfect for each other.” We are all individuals, just like straight people so please don’t diminish our individuality.

4) Misgendering and stereotyping of gay people. There’s a BIG difference between Gender Preference and Gender Identity. Not all gay guys want to be considered “girls,” and not all lesbians want to be seen as “one of the guys.” It’s a stereotype so please leave them at the door.

5) Who’s the man or woman in the relationship? There aren’t typical and traditional gender roles in gay relationships. Stop asking.

6) “This is just a phase”, which minimizes someone’s authentic identity. Or worse – “Why did you choose to be gay?” WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. When did you “Choose” to be straight ?!

7) “You will be condemned” or “God doesn’t make mistakes” lol exactly. God doesn’t make mistakes- and I’m gay. So add that up, you fucking Mortal.

8) Why are all the good ones gay? Or, such a waste of a fine man! – Believe it or not, most of us wouldn’t date you even if we were straight. So don’t worry. You/re not missing out.

9) You’re so masculine for a gay guy OR, feminine for a gay girl. Gay isn’t a personality or a fucking fashion style- it’s a sexual preference.

10) Don’t say things like “That’s gay” or “no homo” – ever. Seriously. Grow your vocabulary if you’re reliant on discriminatory descriptive sayings like this.

If you’ve read this far, pat yourself on the back. You’re off to an epic start to becoming an educated, supportive, and trusted ally to your family, friends, co-workers, and community.


If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.


Photo Credit: Dick Thomas Johnson

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