Aquaman is getting a much-needed revamp to launch its film franchise into the modern era. While he still has a loyal following among comic fans, it’s difficult to imagine how, with current movie superheroes being all-that-is-badass, someone like an Atlantean-human hybrid who calls on the power of dolphins, mermaids, and angel fish, or some shit could make a name for himself. Thanks to Jason Momoa, Aquaman is ready to come kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century. But you know, guys… Aquaman is still Aquaman. Let’s be honest… he probably has more fears than most superheroes.
Tyrannophobia | Fear of Tyrants – Like all proper Golden Age, superheroes, Aquaman has a healthy fear of Nazis……Unlike the United States of America these days.
Porphyrophobia | Fear of the Color Purple – You thought Aquaman’s green and orange costume was bad? Oh, boy; you ain’t seen nothing until you’ve seen his half-brother and arch-nemesis, Orm, in his bright purple spandex. It’s so garish it would give Tim Gunn a stroke. If anything, it’s probably the reason Aquaman’s always able to get an upper hand on him. You can’t really take anyone seriously when they’re dressed like a giant eggplant.
Xerophobia | Fear of Dryness – In some continuities, Aquaman can’t leave the ocean for more than an hour or he’ll die. It’s pretty much the most debilitating weakness of any superhero I’ve ever heard of (unless someone wants to rebut this?) How lame is it that the King of Atlantis can’t be taken out by low humidity?….I wish this was true with my most recent stalker, Jeff.
Hypengyophobia | Fear of Responsibility – There’s a certain point when life just gets too tough for Aquaman, and he just can’t stand being King of Atlantis anymore. So he runs away and returns to his life as a superhero. Hypengyophobia, anyone?…..This is me with everything. Ugh!
Necrophobia | Fear of Death or Dead Things – I had to wade through a lot of Aquaman mythos to get to this one (and yes – my puns are always intended). In Blackest Night, Aquaman’s corpse gets all necromancied, and he wreaks destruction on the oceans. Needless to say, this would send a shiver or two up the real Aquaman’s spine…..Aquaman is kinda kinky….and I like it!
Melanophobia | Fear of the Color Black – Aquaman has numerous reasons to both hate and fear Black Manta. Number one on the list? Manta killed his son. A close second? He killed Aquaman himself. I mean, it’s not like he had anything to worry about. He came back to life, but still. The whole dying thing must have been incredibly traumatic…..I hope he came back for me. A gal can with, can’t she?
Ichthyophobia | Fear of Fish – Yeah, I know – it’s Aquaman. He can telepathically control fish. However, that doesn’t mean that he hasn’t had a few unfortunate accidents. When Charybdis takes away his sea telepathy, he puts Aquaman’s hand in a pool filled with piranhas. They literally gnaw his hand off, and Aquaman becomes the Buster Bluth of the sea. He even has a harpoon for a hand……I bet you Jeff has a harpoon for his hand and not in a good way. I mean, no one should ever let that guy near a vagina, or if he’s gay, a penis or an anus. Who really knows with, Jeff?
Mnemophobia | Fear of Memories – Memory loss is a rite of passage for superheroes who have been around as long as Aquaman. That doesn’t mean it makes it any easier for him to cope with…..I feel less alone knowing Aquaman is part of the PTSD club.
Nyctophobia | Fear of Darkness – At a certain point, Aquaman and other members of the Justice League are condemned to die in the deep, dark depths of the Trench. Aquaman is so terrified that he manages to break free…..So the Trench is kinda like Jeff’s cellar?
Kakorrhaphiophobia | Fear of Failure or Defeat – Aquaman’s got a lot resting on his shoulders. It’s a good thing he’s able to pick himself up, dust himself off, and assemble all those magnificent sea creatures to fight for the greater good……This reminds me of Jeff. Know matter how many times he gets arrested for stalking, he keeps on stalking. I think if he stops, he’ll feel like he’s lost, so even though he sucks at it, he just keeps on going.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.