T’Challa: Black Panther. King of Wakanda. Badass with a good heart. His power was thrust upon him when his father, speaking in support of the Sokovia Accords, was killed in a terrorist attack. Despite meeting countless adversaries – even his dick of a cousin and his backstabbing best friend – T’Challa always rises to the occasion and kicks ass in the name of Wakanda. But even as a king with superpowers, he has his own phobias. Here are his top ten.
Apotemnophobia | Fear of Persons with Amputations – In his first appearance in Civil War, T’Challa thinks the Winter Soldier was tasked with killing his father, and he does everything in his power to try and bring him to justice. But Bucky Barnes gives him a run for his money, and T’Challa learns that the Winter Soldier’s prosthetic arm isn’t anything to fuck with. Bucky ends up choking him out, and not in a sexy way…… Um!!!! Hits too close to home. I think I must stop right here with my snarky comments….but you all know I’ll continue because I love snarky comments too much. Hopefully, I strike laugh gold.
Acrophobia | Fear of Heights – When Killmonger launches T’Challa off of a waterfall, he plummets hundreds of feet and almost dies. If not for the Jabari Tribe, he’d be one sad, waterlogged corpse…. The last time I saw a waterfall was when my babysitter left me at Niagara Falls while she played the slots. Anyways, I was found by the cops, and it turns out that playing the slots meant she was robbing the casino. It didn’t work out for anyone here.
Nostophobia | Fear of Returning Home – After his father is killed in a terrorist attack, it falls on T’Challa to take up the reigns as Wakanda’s king and Black Panther. He knows that when he goes back to Wakanda, it ain’t gonna be pretty…..Um, talk about first world problems! Yeah.
Soteriophobia | Fear of Dependence on Others – Poor T’Challa. Even his best friend, W’Kabi, betrays him. Of course, he’s going to be leery of going to other people for help…. Welcome to my life story. Hits….to……close….to….home…..can’t…..breathe.
Syngenesophobia | Fear of Relatives – Whatcha gonna do when your own cousin tries to kill you? Fight back against your syngenesophobia and retake your throne; that’s what…..And the theme continues except our throne is the old beat up Chevy Blazer.
Arsonphobia | Fear of Fire – Drunk on power and self-righteous indignation, Killmonger orders the heart-shaped herb that gives the Wakandan royal family their powers to be completely eradicated. How does he accomplish this? By burning it all to ashes. Imagine the hopelessness poor T’Challa felt when he found out the legacy of the Black Panther had been wiped out…..FYI Killmonger is so hot!
Toxiphobia | Fear of Being Poisoned – T’Challa isn’t poisoned, per se, but he does end up being unwillingly stripped of his powers when he fights Killmonger…….Oh, that Killmonger. I love bad boys. It’s my weakness.
Politicophobia | Fear of Politicians – T’Challa’s own father basically tells him he’s too kind-hearted to make a good king. Politicians are slimy mofos, and he knows it……Does this mean I can be king someday? I know I’m a female, but I’m a gigantic asshole with some street smarts.
Zoophobia | Fear of Animals – Two words: war rhinos. WAR. RHINOS. When W’Kabi’s army attacks Black Panther, he sends his army of not-so-gentle giant herbivores to get rid of the displaced king. Thankfully, because he’s able to keep his cool, T’Challa dispatches them like a pro…….Do you know who was nicknamed War Rhino in my family? My uncle Rick. And now the bad memories are flooding back like a tsunami. Thanks, Black Panther.
Xenophobia | Fear of Foreigners – Wakanda is one of the most developed countries on the planet, but they hide themselves from outsiders and pose as a developing nation to keep their vibranium technology a secret. And who can blame them? Western countries have trouble keeping their hands to themselves when they learn about something new and shiny. T’Challa’s experiences, however, lead him to open up Wakanda to the outside world…….Do you know who also can’t keep his hands to himself? My uncle Rick……Zing!
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.