BoJack Horseman: sitcom star of the 90’s. A washed-up actor who wouldn’t look out of place on a cartoonized version of Dancing with the Stars. And it’s sad, really. I’d argue that this is one of the most depressing fucking shows out there, and it stars an anthropomorphic horse. Poor BoJack is insanely maladjusted, so we’re going to have a field day picking apart his brain and his Top Ten Phobias.
Autophobia | Fear of Oneself – It’s no secret that BoJack’s worst enemy is… BoJack. He’s constantly engaging in self-sabotage and doing everything he can to destroy any chance at happiness……Oh, jeez. I have a feeling every one of these is going to hit too close to home. First one? Check!
Logophobia | Fear of Words – BoJack’s parents were fucking assholes to him while he was growing up. Like, seriously, parents of the year right here. They were both emotionally abusive to him and said lots of awful shit to put him down……Oh, god! I was right about this. Already bawling my eyes out and only done two phobias….shit.
Syngenesophobia | Fear of Relatives – Again, BoJack’s parents are pond scum. His dad drank and hit him; his mom was super self-involved and seemed to never care about him. Definitely enough to give someone syngenesophobia……..Am I BoJack Horseman?
Hypengyophobia | Fear of Responsibility – I’m really bad at being an adult, but BoJack just takes it to a whole other level. He can’t even be responsible for his own breakfast……Wait, I lied. I’m just as bad as BoJack and I just like lying because I’m a piece of poo. How can anyone ever love me?
Potophobia | Fear of Alcohol – BoJack Horseman is supposed to be a comedy (yeah, I know – it’s a dark comedy), but this shit is seriously depressing. Just like his dad, BoJack grows up to have a drinking problem, and it’s one of the many reasons he’s so unhappy. When you end up screaming, “Can we please get some alcohol into my mouth?” it might be time to reevaluate your life……I’m going to sue the show because someone has obviously lifted my life word for word and put it on screen.
Gynophobia | Fear of Women – BoJack’s mother, while arguably somewhat less horrible than his father, still put him down constantly and gave him one hell of an inferiority complex. When your mom tells you that you ruined her life, it might cause you to develop gynophobia…..WORD FOR WORD! I smell a winnable lawsuit. Yes!
Necrophobia | Fear of Death – This guy had one hell of a tough time growing up. He idolized a racehorse named Secretariat who ended up committing suicide. His best friend also died of an overdose…….This also happened to me but they were people and not horses and at first I was under investigation but I had a really good lawyer.
Arachibutyprophobia | Fear of Peanut Butter Sticking to the Roof of the Mouth – Honestly, I doubt BoJack really has this fear, but considering there is a character named Mr. Peanutbutter who’s also BoJack’s rival, I just had to include it. Mostly because I’ve always wanted to say that someone has Arachibutyprophobia…..I’m allowed to be light hearted sometimes, right? Fuck you, if you said no!
Traumatophobia | Fear of Injury – After seriously embarrassing himself by sneezing on Marisa Tomei, BoJack jumped off a balcony (like any sane person would) and had to be put in a full body cast….. I’ve jumped off a balcony too, but for no reason whatsoever. Oh, those lovely teenage years.
Philosophobia | Fear of Philosophy and Learning – Despite being a has-been, BoJack actually makes a lot of deep, existential points throughout the series. At the same time, is this kinda his downfall? If he didn’t think so deeply, would he have a better chance at dusting himself off and finding something he found fulfilling?……..And thus, BoJack Horseman is the metaphor of my life.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.