Deadpool is my favorite raunchy superhero. From cancer to memory wipes, Wade Wilson has found himself in some really shitty situations. Everything he’s been through has made him one of the most unique and entertaining superheroes in Marvel history. With so much to go off of, we just couldn’t resist picking apart his fears/phobias. Let’s get to the list, shall we?
Carcinophobia | Fear of Cancer – I mean, for real. Cancer is the fucking worst, and we’re all pretty scared of it. Wade, however, seems actually to be phobic of it. So much so that he volunteers for a super shady program designed to cure people of it. And we all know how THAT turns out… kinda like how my 21st birthday turned out.
Cypridophobia | Fear of Venereal Disease – When you fall in love with a prostitute, you’re probably at least slightly afraid of getting the clap or some shit. You would think, right? Funny thing though, all the sex workers I know are thoroughly clean, yet my friends are littered with disease. Yes, I grew up on the wrong side of the heroin tracks.
Iatrophobia | Fear of Doctors – Doctors have seriously screwed with Wade. When the treatment that was supposed to cure his cancer fails, he’s sent to some scary-ass lab and experimented on. I don’t know what they expected from a doctor named Killebrew. If I had a doctor with “Kill” in his last name, I’d run away as fast as I could. No wonder he’s so fucked up. TRUTH!
Athazagoraphobia | Fear of Forgetting – The Butler has a bad habit of destroying Deadpool’s memories to get him to do what he wants, to the point of trying to get Wade to kill his own parents. To top it all off, he gets full-on amnesia after he dies and comes back to life. Goddamn. We’d have athazagoraphobia if we were him, too. However, it would be cool to forget that I had a family though.
Pharmacophobia | Fear of Drugs or Medicine – Dr. Bong. Enough said.
Urophobia | Fear of Urine – After Deadpool is shrunk down and turned into a keychain (that’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever typed), he gets flushed in a urinal… and we can’t imagine the urinals at Three Strikes are cleaned particularly often. I just got flashbacks of my Uncle Joe’s bathroom….barf!
Galeophobia | Fear of Sharks – Tiger Shark’s been a giant pain in Deadpool’s ass forever. From shipwrecking him to tearing off his arm, we completely get why Deadpool has galeophobia. I don’t go in the ocean for a reason, and it has nothing to do with being insecure in my bathing suit. Fuck Sharks!
Dysmorphophobia | Fear of Deformity – When Deadpool is sent to a mental institution because he’s been through so much shit, he finds out the crazy stalker doctor in charge of his care has been keeping his severed limbs in a freezer (okay, never mind – that was the weirdest thing I’ve ever typed). When they thaw, the limbs turn into super deformed, nightmare-inducing Deadpool clones. I’m getting nightmares just typing this.
Zoophobia | Fear of Animals – It’s not that Deadpool is afraid of all animals, just one specific species. Cows. Yep, you read that right. Deadpool is afraid of cows. Me too, except I call mine my mother.
Autophobia | Fear of Being Alone – Legit, not even joking around on this one – this is Deadpool’s greatest fear. And considering he’s basically immortal, he’s probably eventually gonna have to face that fear. Dammit… Now I made myself sad. I need a hug? Anyone? Please? Sigh…..
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.