Oh, disgraced former President Underwood, we hardly knew ye. Just kidding, we’ve watched you manipulate the United States federal government for your own benefit for years now. We know and love Frank for the depth of his character, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a shit-ton wrong with him. He’s a cold-hearted, level-headed, borderline sociopathic mofo, and much of his undoing is his own doing. While he might have a cool and calculated exterior, he’s still got a TON of phobias. Hell, maybe that’s what makes him likable.
Hoplophobia | Fear of Firearms – Someone attempts to assassinate Frank after he proposes gun control legislation. They even succeed in killing his much-loved secret service agent, Edward Meechum. And by someone, I mean it was my cousin Ralph as that’s what he tells everyone. He’s not playing with a full deck.
Russophobia | Fear or Russians – Underwood has a healthy fear of the Russian government and keeps President Petrov at arm’s length. Unlike some presidents. TRUTH! Obama! I kid! Jimmy Carter!
Cardiophobia | Fear of Heart Attack and Death – Frank’s dad died of a heart attack. No doubt he’s afraid the same could happen to him. Maybe if you didn’t have literally the worst job in the world, you wouldn’t have to worry about it quite so much, Franky. Don’t want to talk about death. I’m going to live in ignorant bliss and remind myself that I’ll live forever.
Pedophobia | Fear of Children – Frank hates, and I mean HATES, children. A man after my own heart. Thank goodness for the morning after pill.
Peniaphobia | Fear of Poverty – Frank’s family was far from well-to-do when he was growing up. His high ambitions probably have a lot to do with his peniaphobia. I grew up the same but never made it past writing lists, and trust me; the pay is shit.
Pharmacophobia | Fear of Drugs or Medicine – Frank kills Peter Russo, who had been gunning to become Governor of Pennsylvania, after Russo relapses into addiction and proves to be a threat to Frank’s high ambitions. So… maybe he’s afraid of drugs? Or maybe this is the REAL definition of Russophobia. Are you as confused as I am? Exactly! Lay off the drugs, kids. Lay off the drugs.
Gynophobia | Fear or Hatred of Women – Seriously, who fantasizes about beating their wife, even if she did just leave you? Cough *sociopaths* cough. Frank’s got some serious gynophobia to contend with. This hits too close to home…..pun intended.
Odynophobia | Fear of Pain – In case you had any doubt that there was something seriously wrong with Frank, this should clear it right up for you. After he sees a dog get hit at the beginning of the pilot, he states: “There are two kinds of pain. The sort of pain that makes you strong, or useless pain. The sort of pain that’s only suffering. I have no patience for useless things. Moments like this require someone who will act. Who will do the unpleasant thing, the necessary thing? There, no more pain.” Bro, you’re psychotic. I’m going to take some steps back from my keyboard. Just writing that gives me the willies.
Theologicophobia | Fear or Theology or Religious Studies – Frank’s been pretending to be a Christian for most of his life, but he’s secretly an atheist. Once, he even gets so pissed off that he spits in the face of a statue of Jesus. Uh… I think you have a few hang-ups with religion, Franky. Maybe a little Theologicophobia sprinkled in there, too. The last time I was in church, I got kicked out for being drunk at Midnight Mass. And by kicked out, I mean I puked on the person in front of me and passed out.
Asthenophobia | Fear of Weakness – Frank Underwood is one cold, hard motherfucker who won’t hesitate to kill you if you threaten him or his ambitions. Just ask Peter Russo – oh, wait. You can’t. ‘Cause Frank KILLED him. I wish I could do this without any repercussions. I have a list, and it’s long. Family and Exes up top.
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.