Homer Simpson is that classic, dumb everyman that we all run into in our daily lives. Whether he’s our dad, our lazy uncle, or that sloppy coworker who takes way too long on his lunch break, we relate to Homer because there’s some toned-down version of him everywhere we look. And because he’s basically just an average dude, it’s pretty easy to pick out his phobias. Here are his Top 10.
Homophobia | Fear of Homosexuals – There’s an entire episode called “Homer’s Phobia” that revolves around Homer being afraid that a gay man is going to somehow make Bart gay. The actual episode, though, is actually pretty heartwarming, and in the end, Homer overcomes this fear. Why did he take Bart to a Gay Steel Mill? He just doesn’t know!
Necrophobia | Fear of Dead Things – Poor, poor Homer. As a kid, all he wanted to do was take a dip in the lake on a hot summer day, but no. Because Homer had a super shitty childhood, of course he would stumble upon a decaying body. It left him more than a little fucked up. “I wish this happened to you so then you’d have a better excuse for being the way you are.” said my mother after she just read what I wrote. Honestly, fuck you mom!
Acoustophobia | Fear of Sound or Noise – Homer is actually a really good musician. Unfortunately, he doesn’t appreciate his daughter’s saxophone skills, and he’s always screaming, “Lisa, cut off that infernal racket!” Maybe he has acoustophobia? Is it wrong of me to say this? I also hate Lisa and her saxophone…
Pedophobia | Fear of Children – When Homer found out Marge was pregnant with Bart, he tore half his hair out, and it never grew back. When Marge told him she was pregnant with Lisa, he ripped out what was left of it. He also strangles his son on a regular basis. If that’s not pedophobia, I don’t know what is. Sounds a lot like my dad, to be honest.
Nucleomitophobia | Fear of Nuclear Weapons – If Homer’s not afraid of nuclear weapons, he should be, considering he almost blew Springfield up. Seriously, how is this man still alive? And how is he not behind bars for the rest of his life? My dad did something similar, and he’s doing 5-10 in San Quentin…..Thank Goodness.
Ergasiophobia | Fear of Work – How many times has Homer quit his job to pursue something else, only to come back to it when he feels like it? Man, that’d be the life. Dreams can come true? Right?
Chromophobia | Fear of Colors – As a kid, Homer stuffed a bunch of bright, colorful crayons up his nose (because who hasn’t, I guess?) and one of them ended up lodged in his brain. True Story.
Pyrophobia | Fear of Fire – His house fire actually scared him into attending church. Actually, come to think of it, how many times has Homer been on fire? It seems like a lot. We’d stray away from family barbecues if we were him. He should stick to salad even though you don’t make friends with it.
Cardiophobia| Fear of Heart Attack – The guy had four heart attacks in a row. FOUR. I’ve gotta ask again: HOW IS HE NOT DEAD?
Politicophobia | Fear of Politicians – He and George Bush, Sr. don’t get along at all and rightfully so. Those Bush people I tell you. My dad threatens them one day on Social Media. The next thing you know he’s in Jail.
Phronemophobia | Fear of Thinking – Homer never thinks anything through before he acts. To be fair, that crayon that’s lodged firmly in his frontal lobe probably isn’t helping matters. He’s all impulse, and I must stop writing now. This whole list has triggered me badly. I think my dad might actually be Homer Simpson. No wonder I’m the way I am.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.