Jon Snow: Knower of Nothing. Bastard of the North (but not really). Patron Saint of Sad-Looking People Everywhere. Now, obviously everyone related to Ned Stark is either painfully unlucky or dead. Every Stark has suffered from so many traumatic experiences that it’s honestly surprising they can still string a sentence together. But Jon is in a league of his own, and it’s no wonder his uncountable shitty experiences have left him with countless fears to contend with.
Chionophobia | Fear of Snow – “Snow” is the surname given to illegitimate kids of the North. It’s a name (and identity) Jon’s been outrunning his whole life. It’s all right, Jon. “Stark” isn’t that much better.
Patroiophobia | Fear of Heredity – No, really, George R.R. We need to have a talk. Enough with the incest already! Jon had a nice, normal girlfriend, and you have to go ahead and kill her, and now the show creators have him shacking up with his aunt?
Philophobia | Fear of Falling in Love – Jon’s got a lot of hang-ups about love because he was born a bastard and never fit in with the Stark kids. As a result, he vowed to never have kids. Plus, the love of his life died. That’s probably what really gave him philophobia.
Sociophobia | Fear of Society – Society is a bitch. He was labeled a bastard from day one.
Quintaphobia | Fear of the Number Five – Jon grew up in the shadow of his father’s five legitimate kids. While he was raised alongside them, he never really fit in, and we’ve gotta wonder if the number five gives him pause.
Syngenesophobia | Fear of Relatives – Shit’s gonna get real when Jon finds out he’s half Targaryen.
Xyrophobia | Fear of Razors – He’s so hairy. I know winter is coming, but dude… take a razor to that scruff once in a while.
Coprastasophobia | Fear of Constipation – Jon’s way too tightly wound for his own good. To quote Ferris Bueller, if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in a week you’d have a diamond. We can only imagine he doesn’t have the most regular of bowel movements.
Zelophobia | Fear of Jealousy – Jon is, understandably, pretty jealous of the Starks’ traditional upbringing. It doesn’t help that Catelyn was a total bitch toward him. Still, he does his best to get along with his siblings, maybe because he’s afraid of seeming like the jealous bastard type?
Thanatophobia | Fear of Death or Dying – He’s already died once, and it wasn’t pretty. We can’t imagine he’d be wanting to repeat the process any time soon. Honestly, watching Jon die once was enough for me. Could we not repeat the process, George?
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.