Modern Family’s been on the air for almost nine years now? Man, I feel old. It seems like only yesterday that Manny was a super weird ten-year-old with a strange love of coffee and obsession with the stock market. Umm… I guess now he’s just a kinda weird eighteen-year-old with a not-so-strange love of coffee. He’s going into his senior year of high school, he’s been accepted by six prestigious universities, and he’s about to overcome his eccentric fears and take the world by storm. Here are his Top Ten Phobias.
Entomophobia | Fear of Insects – Specifically, butterflies. Go ahead, laugh! Some of us are afraid of butterflies! It’s just… they flutter, and they’re fragile, and they’re gross. And what’s with the long, skinny legs and antennas? Euch. Let’s move on, shall we? The only antennas I like are the ones that help me steal TV every night.
Acrophobia | Fear of Heights – He’s terrified of riding a roller coaster, but faces his fear after a lot of convincing on Gloria’s part. Nothing wrong with taking baby steps, Manny. I need to do that with going to work.
Autophobia | Fear of Being Alone or of Oneself – Manny confesses that he’s afraid of dying alone. That’s some pretty heavy shit for a kid to be lugging around. I wish everyone would just leave me alone. I guess that’s how Manny and I differ.
Pedophobia | Fear of Children – Why is Manny so weird around other kids? Maybe he’s got an irrational fear of people his own age? I feel ya on this one, Manny.
Vitricophobia | Fear of One’s Stepfather – Manny and Jay definitely had a rocky start to their relationship. Manny even confesses that he didn’t speak to Jay for the first month that he knew him. I know that if I ever did have a stepfather that my mom would make the worst choice ever. Just sayin.
Clinophobia | Fear of Going to Bed or Falling Asleep – What other kid do you know who drinks THAT much coffee? And why is he allowed? If you ask me, it’s because he’s afraid of falling asleep and missing out on proving someone wrong about something. I’m still afraid to go to sleep, mostly because I think Freddy Krueger will get me.
Philosophobia | Fear of Philosophy and Learning – Manny’s gotta be a straight-up genius (or at least a precocious little shit), and he knows it. Still, he can’t STAND being around people who are more intelligent than he is. This one was a bit of a stretch but fuck you guys for pointing it out!
Anuptaphobia | Fear of Staying Single – Look at Kidanova over here, always searching for a girl to romance. Got a bit of anuptaphobia going on there, Manny? One day he’ll learn that a woman like me will enter his life and ruin it with her daddy issues. It’s true. I’m a bad seed. Run!
Peniaphobia | Fear of Poverty – Manny is obsessed with growing up and being monetarily successful. Manny’s never had to experience poverty first-hand, but maybe he recognizes his biological father’s gambling addiction deep down? I’ve seen this addiction first hand and it’s the worst. You’re left with nothing. Not even your dignity. My dad has done some disgusting things just to get some cash to make a bet, while I starved my fat off.
Amaxophobia | Fear of Riding in a Car – After suffering a near-death experience with the Dunphy family, Manny develops a severe, albeit short-lived, fear of cars. However, it comes to an end when Sophia pretends someone stole her purse and it forces Manny to drive to catch the “thief.” Man, I wish my mom had been so brazen about making me look my fears straight in the eye. All I got was a pack of smokes and a stolen bottle of Whiskey.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.