Al Bundy may have been a born loser, however, at the same time, he was a true original. Even with his life falling apart around him, Al Bundy stood by his family when most people wouldn’t, and because of his enduring life crisis, Al has unfortunately developed a bunch of fears. Here are the Top Ten Phobias of Al Bundy.
Agliophobia | Fear of Pain – Have you ever fallen off the roof of your house? Well, Al Bundy has on more than one occasion and we’ve witnessed his toddler-like threshold for pain as a result………Speaking of pain thresholds, I was not made for the world of BDSM, just saying.
Anuptaphobia | Fear of Staying Single – Al’s wife Peg makes fun of him, treats him poorly and loves to spend the little money he makes. GEEZ! Al must be scared of being single because the amount of abuse he takes is just too much for a regular guy to take…………….Peg’s life sounds perfect, but it’s too bad I’m more of an Al.
Athazagoraphobia | Fear of Being Forgotten or Ignored or Forgetting – Al loves to remind everyone about his high school football days where he scored 4 touchdowns in a single game. All he wants is to be remembered and respected for his glory days. Is that too much to ask for?…………I wish I glory days that I wanted to be recognized for. Uh, I’m so depressing today.
Caligynephobia | Fear of Beautiful Women – Remember the time Al was at the grocery store, dropping items on the ground just so a beautiful woman would pick them up, and then he could barely get a word out of his mouth?……………This happens to me all the fucking time……I hate men.
Chrometophobia | Fear of Money – Al is perpetually broke and seems to never get ahead in the financial department, especially when his family gets a hold of his wallet…………….I’m five phobias in and the similarities between myself and Al Bundy terrify me.
Coitophobia | Fear of Coitus – Of all of Al’s fears, having sex with his wife might actually be his biggest. When Peg calls for him to rub her tooshy, the painful look on his face just says it all…………..Finally, a phobia Al and I don’t have in common. Feeling much better now.
Euphobia | Fear of Hearing Good News – Has Al ever had anything good ever happen to him? Never! Or at least not since he scored four touchdowns in a single game…………I was feeling so much better, but now I’m feeling so much like Al Bundy again.
Ephebiphobia | Fear of Teenagers – Al’s kids would probably sell him to the highest bidder if they could get a good price, but since they can’t, they just give him zero respect instead……..This could have been me if I didn’t have all those abortions. Did I go too far on that one?
Alektorophobia | Fear of Chickens – Al likes to joke around that his annoying neighbor, Marcy Darcy, bickers at him like a chicken. However, when push comes to shove, Al’s pretty scared of Marcy’s shove……..I had a neighbor like Marcy Darcy once, so I planted some drugs in her backyard shed and had an old boyfriend call the cops from a pay phone……..I still got caught somehow.
Anglophobia | Fear of England or English Culture – Remember the time Al got tricked into visiting Lower Uncton, so he could be sacrificed to help break the towns long time curse? So yeah, Al has good reason to be afraid of the Brits…………..I got tricked like this once, but I was more of a sacrifice to Satan. And yes, my dad did end up going to jail for a week because of it.
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.
Photo Credit: Fox Television