Alex Jones, the fictional character that runs Infowars.com, is one of the most entertaining people in pop culture today. His information about disinformation has touched a chord with millions of people across the globe, and that’s because he shows his vulnerability by tapping into his deepest fears for all of us to see. Here are the Top Ten Phobias of Alex Jones.
Agraphobia | Fear of Sexual Abuse – Jones is always going ballistic when talking about secret elitist pedophile rings and rightly so. Whether it be Hilary Clinton and Pizzagate, or his new theories on Robert Mueller, all Jones wants to do is protect our kids from sickly depraved abusers. And he’s vilified for this? His heart seems to be in the right place, to me……………..And that’s more than I can say about every person I’ve ever dated.
Aquaphobia | Fear of Water – Alex is adamant that the government is putting chemicals in our water supply that turn the frogs gay. He says it’s a gay bomb that was devised by the Pentagon and he believes in it so much, that he’s now selling water purifiers by the boatload. And it’s not like he’s making money from it. All he wants is for his fellow citizens to drink safely. What a great guy!………………..I’ve found many chemicals in my water supply, mostly roofies though. Never leave your drink unattended at the bar, ladies. It’s my Uncle Rick’s forte.
Homophobia | Fear of Homosexuality – Some say Alex Jones doesn’t like gay people because he thinks it’s morally wrong, but that’s simply just not true. He doesn’t like gay people because they won’t procreate more human beings. And god knows we need more human beings in this world to help combat climate change. He’s just a massive champion of human rights, and we should be saluting him for it……………….Speaking of human rights, I think I should be allowed to shoplift whenever I damn well feel like it.
Cyberphobia | Fear of Computers – Have Google and Facebook been censoring his viewpoints based on their own moral compasses and core belief systems? Fucking right they have! And one day, this may happen to you, when a popular Youtube Video you created about recycling will be deemed racist because you were segregating your garbage……. and not integrating it.
Heresyphobia | Fear of Challenges to Official Doctrine – Jones’ biggest fear is the suppression of free speech. He wants to say what he wants, when he wants, because that’s what the Constitution says. Challenges to this official document, scare him so much that he literally loses his shit, turns bright red, and sometimes cries. Showing his heart on his sleeve makes him a national treasure in my books………………….Speaking of National Treasure, I lost my anal virginity while watching National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets. Oh, the memories.
Liticaphobia | Fear of Lawsuits – Have you seen the video of the Sandy Hook Parent laughing and smiling right before he gave a news conference about his daughter being killed? Did Alex Jones jump to conclusions about him being a crisis actor? Now he must live in fear that all of his factual information can be used against him in Civil Court. I mean, how’s he supposed to feed his family now? Poor guy……………Speaking of poor guys, it seems like they’re the only type guys I date. Lucky me!
Obesophobia | Fear of Gaining Weight – Alex is very self-conscious about his weight and was proud to show us the results from his weight loss program. The Healthy Body Weight Loss Pak, that he sells on his show, helped change the color of his skin, which made him look 5 pounds lighter after 45 days of use…………………I love men who aren’t afraid to be this vulnerable. He’s just an empathy pillow that I want to cuddle with……..if he was a tad thinner.
Panophobia or Pantophobia | Fear of Everything – Sometimes I feel like Alex Jones is one bad piece of news away from a heart attack. His fear of everything is not good for his health, and I really hope he works on getting this under control. So many of us depend on his leadership, that we wouldn’t know what to do without him. An American Hero through and through.
Tyrannophobia | Fear of Tyrants – Jones fears/thinks that tyrannical politicians are destroying America and I can’t blame him for that. All they do is blow taxpayer money while suppressing our rights and freedoms…………….Like how Backpage.com got shut down and now I can’t post my escorting ads to make a living because the current administration thinks I’m immoral.
Xenophobia | Fear of Strangers or Foreigners – From Muslims to Hispanics, Jones is scared of foreigners for a myriad of reasons. And the biggest one is about the shame he feels when a foreigner asks him for directions in his hometown, but he doesn’t know the address they’re looking for because he’s just so busy inside working and podcasting all the time……………………..I mean, who else hasn’t felt like this at one point of their life? Truth!
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.
Photo Credit: Mark Taylor