He-Man is one of the classic superheroes from the early 1980’s, and he’s been battling Skeletor and his crew of evil henchmen ever since. In his fight to be the Master of the Universe, He-Man has tried to overcome a lot of phobias that he’s still fighting to this day. Here are the Top Ten Phobias of He-Man.
Agrizoophobia | Fear of Wild Animals – Have you ever seen Beastman? Uh, yeah. Anything that has 6-inch fangs is worthy of being on He-Man’s ‘Things I’m Afraid Of List.’………. I knew a guy once named Beastman…….. Wait, no….. His nickname was Breastman, and it all makes sense now.
Ataxophobia | Fear of Disorder or Untidiness – He-Man’s biggest fear is a Universe thrown into chaos, by Skeletor’s control. Just based on how incompetent Skeletor’s evil plans and inner circle always are, Skeletor kinda has all the ingredients to be the next George Bush Jr.
Automysophobia | Fear of Being Dirty – In He-Man’s alternate life as Prince Adam, he must have been brought up just to loathe peasants and how dirty they are, and maybe that’s why he always looks so pristine. Not a lick of dirt on him or lint on his clothes…….I also loathe peasants, but that’s just because I hate myself.
Cyberphobia | Fear of Computers – He-Man has a major fear of computers and electronics based on the movie version of his life, as the computer device they find can send people into different worlds for Skeletor to conquer. He-Man thought computers would make his life simpler, but they just created a newer and bigger problem in the end………. This is how I feel about the Internet and the new era of how people stalk me.
Gamophobia | Fear of Marriage or Relationship – He-Man is so busy saving the world from the evil Skeletor that he has no time for any type of relationship. In fact, he’s afraid of them because he knows that relationship will just keep him from hanging with his good buddy Man-At_Arms…… I should have listened to He-Man when growing up.
Islamophobia | Fear, Hatred or Dislike of Islam or Muslims – I mean, who isn’t an Islamophobe these days?……… I have nothing against Islam. I hate all religions equally, especially the Jedi Religion. LOSERS!
Litigophobia | Fear of Lawsuits – He-Man is just deathly afraid of lawsuits after being sued for infringing on the rights of Conan the Barbarian back in the early 1980’s. The amount of money he had to pony up just to defend himself was enough to bankrupt his kingdom, so thank goodness he won the case…….. I wish I had enough money that someone thought suing me would be a good idea, coz as of right now, you’d be getting my negative bank balance.
Obesophobia | Fear of Gaining Weight – He-Man is in such great shape because he needs to be battle ready at all times, and that’s why his fear of gaining weight is a major issue for him. Many inside his inner circle are concerned about his lack of eating habits these days……….. I wish I had someone that was that concerned about my habits……. Besides my drug dealers of course.
Tyrannophobia | Fear of Tyrants – If Skeletor didn’t scare the shit out of him, then why the alter-ego? That’s because he fears retribution on his family……. I wish someone would get retribution on my family…… I’ll pay ya?!!!
Wiccophobia | Fear of Witches and Witchcraft – Everything seems to be cool with He-Man and The Sorceress, but I’m told that’s because he fears her and her witchcraft like powers the most. He’s not about to fuck with that shit…….. This sounds a lot like my relationship with my probation officer.
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Photo Credit: Mattel