Top Ten Phobias of Hermione Granger

Posted by Kristy Listy | Jun 18, 2018 | Lists, Phobia, Top 10 Lists | 0 |

Hermione Granger: the smartest witch of her age. Unrelenting badass bookworm. The sole reason Harry Potter managed to live through seven years of Lord Voldemort’s attempts on his life. Hermione might be good at a hell of a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean she’s impervious to fear. The moment she became friends with Harry, she should have known she was exposing herself to a lifetime of phobias. Poor, poor Hermione. Here are her Top Ten Phobias.

Chaetophobia | Fear of Hair – In Year Two, Hermione thinks she’s being clever by getting a hair off of Millicent Bullstrode’s clothes so she can take Polyjuice Potion and sneak into the Slytherin common room. Little does she know, it’s actually a hair from Millicent’s cat. Things get rather… hairy for Hermione……If the other kids at Juvie knew how much Harry Potter info I had in my brain, I’d be shanked every day.

Pnigophobia | Fear of Choking or Being Smothered – In Book I (unlike Movie I), Hermione can’t keep her cool when she, Ron, and Harry get tangled in Devil’s Snare. She’s almost squeezed to death because she can’t calm down…..This is a very valid fear, especially for me when I was in a Juvenile Detention Center.

Atelophobia | Fear of Imperfection – Hermione has to be one of the only people on earth who refuses to say a ninety-nine percent on a test is a good grade. She isn’t satisfied with anything other than perfection. Her boggart is even McGonagall telling her she’s failed every class……..I really wish I was Hermione on most days. I’d literally kill to think like her.

Pteromerhanophobia | Fear of Flying – Hermione is good at many things, but flying isn’t one of them. She can barely keep herself on a broomstick, let alone Buckbeak or a Thestral…….My mother had no problem keeping her fat ass on her broomstick. She was a witch in the worst of ways.

Politicophobia | Fear of Politicians – Because she’s aiding Undesirable Number One, Harry Potter, Hermione lands herself on the Ministry of Magic’s Most Wanted list. Also, the Ministry is pretty damned worthless once Voldemort comes back. Their incompetence is astounding. Hmm… sound familiar?…….I’ve been on many most wanted lists too. I finally have something in common with Hermione! Things are looking up for me.

Chronophobia | Fear of Time – In her third year, Hermione decides to take literally every class available to her. Because she’s an overachieving genius, Hogwarts lets her, but she has to use a Time-Turner to make it work. She’s seriously burned out the entire year, and falls asleep at really inopportune times. No doubt she’ll be having unpleasant flashbacks of her time travel for years to come……I have also have unpleasant flashbacks, but that’s due to PTSD.

Xylophobia | Fear of Forests – How much shit have Harry, Ron, and Hermione gotten into, in the Forbidden Forest? I mean, sure, it never stops them from going in, but she and her friends must be pretty damaged…….Speaking of damaged. Have I mentioned my PTSD and my mother yet?

Pneumatiphobia | Fear of Spirits – Hermione must have been scared shitless the first time she found out ghosts were real. Especially when Peeves started bothering her. Why you gotta be such a dick, Peeves?……..I have a Peeves in my life, but I call her mom.

Crystallophobia | Fear of Crystals – Hermione is totally cool with Arithmancy, but definitely not with fortune telling. She hates Professor Trelawney’s class, and thinks she’s full of shit……My mom spent a couple of years as a fortune teller, but unfortunately, she couldn’t predict being arrested for fraud.

Nomatophobia | Fear of Names – Although she grew up in the Muggle world, Hermione calls Voldemort “You-Know-Who.” It isn’t until Year Five that she starts conquering this fear and actually starts using his name. Considering she played a major part in disbanding Voldy and the Horcruxes, it’s safe to say she’s gotten over this fear and can rest easy………My mom’s name is Ester, but she liked to be called Elissa for some reason, so to annoy her; I still called her Ester because she sucked as a parent and even more as a human being.

And those are the Top Ten Phobias of Hermione Granger.


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