From a whiny teenager struggling to find his place in the world, to developing into a Jedi Master. Luke Skywalker has really lived the American Dream equivalent, in a galaxy far, far, away. Good for him. However, it doesn’t mean his success didn’t come without some fear obstacles in his way. Here are the Top Ten Phobias Of Luke Skywalker.
Achluophobia | Fear of Darkness – The fear of the dark side will always be a major issue with Luke as his dad was easily turned to the darkness. It’s in his blood!……….This is like me and smoking crack. It just runs in the family.
Liticaphobia | Fear of Lawsuits – If you blew up the Deathstar and killed at least 1000 people, you’d be afraid of lawsuits too………..Unless you’re Saudi Arabia in the days after 9/11.
Agrizoophobia | Fear of Wild Animals – Whether it be that really creepy bar in the original Star Wars with the bizarre people/creatures, or fighting that Bigfoot-like animal on Hoth, Skywalker has to fear Wild Animals of all sorts………If you nerds out there get angry at me for not naming these wild animals correctly, you can go fuck yourself.
Angrophobia | Fear of Anger or of Becoming Angry – Fear leads to Anger. Anger leads to Hate. Hate leads to Suffering. Enough said………..Did I get that right for you fanboys out there? Do you think I care? I’ll cut you all! I’m sorry. I’m having a really bad day, and I’m taking it on you. I’m really sorry.
Eleutherophobia | Fear of Freedom – With the Empire taking control of the whole galaxy, Luke Skywalker fears for his freedom and that of his fellow rebels…….I will admit, he’s kinda a good guy, and if he were my boyfriend, I’d most likely push him away. And If I were being a colossal asshole, I’d make him fall in love with me, then break up with him, destroying his fragile male ego in the process too.
Erotophobia | Fear of Sex or Anything Sexual – What does Luke Skywalker have in common with all the super Star Wars fanboys? Ahem…….They’ve never had sex………..I’m such a dick today.
Politicophobia | Fear of Politicians – The Emperor started off as a power hungry Senator, and now he strikes fear into Luke Skywalker because he’s also a Jedi………..This would explain Mitch McConnell.
Syngenesophobia | Fear of Relatives – This is pretty obvious. His dad turned into Darth Vader and then tried to kill him……..This sounds like my dad and me, except my dad’s name is Garth Nader.
Technophobia | Fear or Dislike of Advanced Technology – The Deathstar was the most advanced technology in the galaxy with its ability to destroy planets at the flick of a switch. It scared the shit out of Luke even though he might not have said it out loud……….If you fanboys want to dispute this, meet me in the parking lot after school is over and I’ll show the power of my Deathstar.
Ephebiphobia | Fear of Teenagers – Kylo Ren scares the shit out of Luke so badly that he tries to kill him while he’s sleeping. He’s scared of an Emo Teenager! What’s more pathetic than that?………….Star Wars Fanboys……. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help myself. Please forgive me. I’m just a terrible person today. I’ll stop with the hurtful comments now, mainly cause this article about Luke Skywalker Top Ten Phobias is over.
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Photo Credit: Disney