I want you to think real hard about what you do and don’t know about Disney’s favorite son, Mickey Mouse. If you’re like me, and I know most of you undoubtedly are, you don’t know jack squat about him at all. So I’ve gone and done my research just to prove that Mickey ticks just like you and I, which means he’s probably got anxiety up the ying yang. So here are the Top Ten Phobias Of Mickey Mouse.
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia | Fear of Long Words – It wasn’t until Mickey started working in the movie business that he actually learned how to read and when he finally got the hang of the English language a little, he’d do anything to avoid long words. The phrase ‘short and sweet’ was actually coined by Mickey and he was referencing the amount of dialogue in his movie scripts. You remember Fantasia? He never spoke a word. Enough said………I have a fear of long things…..And it ain’t words.
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia | Fear of the Number 666 – The number 666 scares the shit out Mickey because a long time ago he made a deal with the devil to become a famous acting mouse. It’s true! Before that pact was made, Mickey was just another mouse standing in depression era cheese lines looking for any kind of work that he could get………..I knew the devil existed! Yes!
Carcinophobia | Fear of Cancer – Mickey became very attached to Walt Disney and considered him the father he never had. So when Walt kicked the bucket due to cancer, Mickey himself freaked out, stopped smoking, went completely vegan, and gets his PSA checked like clockwork every year………….I wish Walt Disney were my dad too. Maybe I’d have a better job than this one.
Melophobia | Fear or Hatred of Music – You know when you eat a whole bag of Doritos when you’re younger and then you never touch those fake cheese chips again? After Fantasia, Mickey had the same reaction when it came to music………..Is there a phobia for Fantasia? Cause yeah, I’m never watching that piece of crap again.
Centophobia | Fear of New Things or Ideas – Mickey has been pretty low key these days because he’s been battling depression while living a very hermit-like life in his Beverly Hills mansion. The reason being is that the Disney Company bought Marvel Comics, Star Wars, and Pixar, so Mickey is feeling like old news, and I don’t blame him at all. Personally, I think he should burn that place down. He built that studio, and he deserves way better than this………..My arson services are available for the right price coz typing 500 words at 2 cents a word sucks ass.
Homophobia | Fear of Homosexuality – Ever since Mickey was little, he’s spoken with a high pitched voice and was teased about being gay. This was in the 1920’s, and in response to this, Mickey did his best to act like a macho-dick to combat this image because he felt like being labeled as gay could hurt his career………..There’s nothing wrong with being gay and I refuse to throw in the obligatory Tom Cruise and John Travolta joke because making fun of being homosexual or outing people is wrong in every way.
Zemmiphobia | Fear of the Great Mole Rat – What is a Great Mole Rat? It would be Mickey’s arch-nemesis if the studio wanted to put Mickey into his own Superhero film. Hint Hint…….Mickey paid me to write this one. He’s really desperate these days, and so am I.
Epistaxiophobia | Fear of Nosebleeds – During Mickey’ s highs and lows, cocaine use has become a huge problem for him. He’s been able to hide it pretty well, but if his nose bleeds spontaneously, it’s pretty hard to explain why. So yeah, he’s scared of the red nose river…………He and I are like twins sometimes yet not, coz he’s super-rich……and a mouse.
Elurophobia | Fear of Cats – Obviously……
Pnigophobia or Pnigerophobia | Fear of Choking or Being Smothered – Ever since his night of BDSM gone wrong, he’s been afraid of everything that alternative lifestyle entails. His publicist did a great job of keeping this one out of the tabloids by the way, so if you don’t know what I’m talking about, that’s a good thing……………I wish I needed a publicist. Does anyone work for a publisher and want to buy my manuscript? It’s hysterical! We’ll make millions, I promise.
If you or a loved one you know battles with Bipolar Disorder or any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
Photo Credit: Loren Javier