Mr. Potato Head is one of the most iconic children’s toys of all time and has even made appearances on the big screen in the Toy Story films. He’s portrayed as a funny everyman kinda guy, but in real life, Mr. Potato Head has been overrun by his fears and phobias. Here are the Top Ten Phobias For Mr. Potato Head.
Ablutophobia | Fear of Washing or Bathing – Even though Mr. Potato Head is plastic, he still feels the pain of his brothers and sisters as they’re prepared for their imminent death following a good rinsing. So every time he hears the kitchen sink taps running, Mr. Potato Head runs for cover because it’s pretty much a PTSD trigger for his species version of the holocaust…….. I got really dark really fast on this one. Everyone better buckle up for this version of the Top Ten Phobias, as I have no idea what’s about to come out of my mouth.
Anglophobia | Fear of England or English Culture – Mr. Potato Head has always feared the English due to their penchant for chips and mashed potatoes. He blames them for the rise of Potato Persecution across the globe and hopes that one day, they’ll get what’s coming to them………. There’s no way I could fear the English due to their stupid voices and all.
Claustrophobia | Fear of Being Enclosed in a Small Space or Room – When Mr. Potato Head was born at the factory in China, he was immediately stuffed into a box and shipped to America. This was quite traumatizing for him, being a newborn and all, so he’s not a big fan of being put in a closet when his owner needs to tidy up their messy room……. I, on the other hand, loved sleeping in my closet growing up because that’s how I hid from the horrors of living with the demons I call my family.
Demonophobia | Fear of Demons – Speaking of demons, Mr. Potato Head may have been born in a Chinese Factory, but he’s definitely the work of the devil and his demon minions. Mr. Potato Head knows this and fears for his soul every day, which is why he carries a cross inside his secret compartment……….Unfortunately, crosses never worked on combating the evil of my family.
Hypengyophobia | Fear of Responsibility – The guy has never held a job in his life. He just keeps changing outfits and hopes that you don’t notice that he’s the same guy freeloading room and board wherever he goes. What a dick……………He sounds like every guy I ever dated.
Kathisophobia | Fear of Sitting Down – Have you ever seen Mr. Potato Head sit down? NEVER!!!! Why? Because he knows that there’s no way he’s going to be able to stand back up. The embarrassment alone would kill him…….. I only fear sitting down on toilet seats because my brothers just loved to piss all over them and it’s conditioned me over the years.
Kynophobia | Fear of Dogs or Rabies – Have you seen what a dog can do to the body parts of Mr. Potato Head? You’d be scared shitless too……… I wish dogs would do the same things to my step-father aka my Uncle Rick.
Leprophobia or Lepraphobia | Fear of Leprosy – Mr. Potato Head is afraid of leprosy for a good reason, as it always seemed like one of his body parts was falling off. After all his repair surgeries, it was pretty hard to tell which parts were real or fake anymore…….I was afraid of leprosy when I worked in that meth lab, and I thought my teeth were going to fall out.
Obesophobia | Fear of Gaining Weight – Mr. Potato Head has major issues with his body type because it was never considered a ‘norm’ or attractive by most people. So his fear of gaining weight terrifies him because he feels that society was already looking down upon him as is……….. Ummmmmmm, welcome to my and every other woman’s world, Mr. Potato Head.
Pedophobia | Fear of Children – Just like dogs, Children are Mr. Potato Head’s worst nightmare. They just don’t give a shit and throw him everywhere with no regard for his well being. He’s lost so many eyes due to children, and because of this, no insurance company will give him a policy anymore, even under Obamacare. He’s recently discussed moving to Canada due to their healthcare for all type system, and I don’t blame him one bit, even though I think socialism is stupid and doesn’t work.
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.
Photo Credit: Sam Howzit