Regina George: Queen Bee of North Shore High School. Leader of the Plastics. Manipulative bitch with a mean streak and no chill. But what happened to Regina to make her such a mean girl? Was it her upbringing? Her parents giving her everything she wanted and never saying no? Did she go through some shit when she was younger? Did she actually have a big lesbian crush on Janice and never admitted to it? The world may never know. Thankfully, we can delve into Regina’s Top Ten Phobias and get to the bottom of what she’s so afraid of.
Obesophobia | Fear of Gaining Weight – Like any self-respecting Plastic, Regina does everything in her power to keep a slim figure. When she finds out Cady’s been tricking her into eating protein bars that are intended to make a person gain weight, she completely loses her shit, screams at the top of her lungs, and throws a full-blown temper tantrum……My trick to staying slim in high school was called drug addiction. It worked, but it also had some terrible side effects……like almost dying.
Ombrophobia | Fear of Rain – Unlike Karen, Regina is pretty talentless. Her boobs can’t even tell if it’s raining or not. No doubt she’s scared of her frenemy’s amazing ability…..Speaking of Frenemy’s, mine was Tammy Sytch, and her talent was talking shit behind back and making out with my boyfriends.
Peniaphobia | Fear of Poverty – Could you imagine if Regina couldn’t afford her fancy face creams and prom dresses? End. Of. The. World…….I was dirt poor, so I always stole mine……still do occasionally just for old times sake.
Ithyphallophobia | Fear of Penises or Erections – Regina’s definitely got a reason to hate Gretchen Weiners. She’s the one who tells Regina, “You can’t sit with us!”………You see what I did there? I’m a genius!
Zelophobia | Fear of Jealousy – Regina probably should be afraid of her own jealousy. She gets pretty damn vindictive when she thinks someone – or something – is encroaching on her territory. Once Cady, Janice, and Damien start to fight back, it doesn’t end well……….I would have done the same thing.
Metathesiophobia | Fear of Changes – Regina likes being Top Bitch, and will do anything in her power to keep that from changing………This may have been important in High School but I found it more useful during my first trip to a Juvenile Detention Center.
Mysophobia | Fear of Contamination and Germs – Regina almost refuses to speak to people who she sees as “less” than her. No doubt she’s afraid of being contaminated by their loserliness……..At my High School, I did the same thing, but it was because they all had lice.
Porphyrophobia | Fear of the Color Purple – On Wednesdays, she wore pink! Not purple!……..On Wednesdays, I usually skipped school.
Syngenesophobia | Fear of Relatives – Her mom is, like, so embarrassing. Even though she thinks she’s a cool mom, and even though she offers her daughter and her friends alcohol, she’ll still always be a mom…….I would have killed for a mom like this. KILLED! That’s true love.
Catagelophobia | Fear of Being Ridiculed – Regina is so embarrassed with losing her position as Most Popular Bitch in School that she makes copies of her entire Burn Book and passes it around the the hallways for everyone to see. It causes a shit show that ends in an arguably successful assembly that Tina Fey is awkwardly forced to host………….I wish we had Assembly at work.
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.
Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore