With the third season of Better Call Saul in full swing, it’s time to talk about everybody’s favorite sleazy lawyer. If we knew him in person, we’d probably hate him. So why was he was so popular on Breaking Bad that he got his own spinoff? Maybe it’s because his smarmy face only graces our TVs for ten days out of the year, or maybe it’s because we love to laugh at his pain because… schadenfreude? No matter what the reason, he shows us that as long as we don’t let our fears control us, “’S’all good, man.” So here are the top ten phobias of Saul Goodman.
Chrometophobia | Fear of Money – In Breaking Bad, we thought of Saul as someone who was money-obsessed because he loved it. However, as early as the pilot of Better Call Saul, it becomes obvious that money is a phobia that starts to control him. Ah, yeah, who the fuck doesn’t love money! Am I right?
Ballistophobia | Fear of Bullets – Just how many goddamn times can one person be held at gunpoint? Of course Saul is insanely damaged at this point, but it doesn’t stop him from continuing to conduct a suuuuper shady business. Sounds a little like me……. strange.
Traumatophobia | Fear of Injury – Aside from offering him huge stacks of cash, threatening his well-being is one really good way to get him to do what you want. He REALLY doesn’t like getting hurt. This sounds too much like me already? Am I Saul? But for real?
Gamophobia | Fear of Marriage or Relationships – Okay, this one’s totally warranted. After his wife cheats on him, Saul decides to take a massive dump through the sunroof of a car owned by the guy his wife’s been seeing. This lands him in WAY more trouble than it was worth, and he ends up being tried for a sex crime. Thank goodness none of my exes stuck around long enough to do marry me.
Alektorophobia | Fear of Chickens – While Saul may have never actually met Gus, he knows he’s an evil-as-fuck murderer, and murder is one of the few things Saul isn’t cool with. He’s probably uncomfortable eating at Los Pollos Hermanos, and we can’t blame him…… I fear salmonella.
Cleithophobia | Fear of Being Locked up in an Enclosed Space – At the beginning of Better Call Saul, Saul is terrified when he gets locked in the garbage room at his new, far less glamorous job. Saul is already afraid everyone’s out to get him, and being stuck makes him even more paranoid. Pretty much sums up my life to date.
Athazagoraphobia | Fear of Being Forgotten – While he’s locked in the garbage room, Saul seems to forget he’s trying to stay undercover when he writes, “SG was here.” We think it’s because his fear of being forgotten might actually beat out all his other phobias. What he doesn’t realize is that everyone always remembers the shitty things, thus why I can’t get my family out of my head.
Coprophobia | Fear of Feces – I mean, you’d have it, too, if you just wanted to shit in some guy’s car for revenge, only to end up with a pretty big lawsuit on your hands. Side Note: I’ve done this before. Judge me if you will. The person deserved it big time.
Koimetrophobia | Fear of Cemeteries or Burial Grounds – Evil genius Walter White totally wanted to shoot Saul and bury him in a shallow grave. We imagine he keeps his distance from cemeteries these days. He kinda deserves it….. is that bad of me to say?
Leukophobia | Fear of the Color White – Saul may be the embodiment of a moral grey area, but Walter White is a straight-up evil motherfucker. If we were Saul, we wouldn’t even want to be on the same continent as him. I wish this was true of so many people I don’t want to know….. Dad!
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.