Tyrion Lannister is probably the most popular Game of Thrones character, and for good reason. He’s a goddamn Lannister, and he never apologizes for it, damn it. He lives by the mantra, “Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.” Maybe it’s this advice that helps Tyrion overcome his fears and outwit all the idiots he’s surrounded by. Here are his Top Ten Phobias.
Acrophobia | Fear of Heights – If I were kept in a prison that’s fourth wall is literally a straight drop to death, I’d be afraid of heights too! My room aka prison cell is walled primarily with asbestos.
Anuptaphobia | Fear of Staying Single – Poor Tyrion. While it seems like everyone else could find a date to the prom, nobody wanted him. When he finally managed to enter a relationship, he later learned his father had paid a whore to act as his girlfriend. Clearly, this scarred him for life, and he basically only seeks the, uh… company… of prostitutes. I’ve actually been a sex worker, and I don’t really see a problem with this one.
Cacophobia | Fear of Ugliness – Tyrion grew up with two gorgeous siblings who held prestigious positions even in their teenage years. Shunned by his father, he was forced to muck out the Casterly Rock sewage system. At least it built character, man. You’re, like, the only likable Lannister to ever exist. Wait, is this the story of Cinderella? I always wanted to be Cinderella.
Catoptrophobia | Fear of Mirrors – He’s got some pretty nasty battles scars all up on his face, and he wasn’t particularly enthused by his own appearance in the first place. In the books, Tyrion actually suffers a MUCH worse fate and gets most of his nose chopped off. I guess that wouldn’t have gone over too well with TV audiences? I had part of my nose chopped off, but it was performed by a very respected Surgeon. My mom wanted me to trick him into having my baby, and that’s just another example as for why I have so many family issues.
Algophobia | Fear of Pain – Tyrion has suffered some seriously grave injuries in his day. But he keeps his chin up and keeps fighting. This reminds me of the time that respected Surgeon and I did some BDSM playing…yeah…it hurts. Fucking asshole doesn’t listen to safe words.
Cypridophobia | Fear of Prostitutes – Shae betrays the fuck out of Tyrion when she falsely confesses to being part of a conspiracy to kill Joffrey. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I’ve been there.
Gerontophobia | Fear of Old People – His dad, Tywin, was a wrinkly, old dick. Uhh… sorry for the visual. When Tyrion killed Tywin, maybe he was just exhibiting his fear of old people? If I could get away with murder, I’d take care of my parents too. They kinda deserve it.
Iophobia | Fear of Poison or Being Poisoned – Across both Earth and Westeros, people cheered Joffrey’s sudden but inevitable death. But not Tyrion. He actually – though, reluctantly – did a lot for that little shit. And how is he thanked? His sister accuses him of murdering that piece of human garbage she calls a son. No doubt Tyrion’s constantly wondering if he’s going to be poisoned in the future. No joke, It’s like the show is lifting things right out of my own life. Crazy!
Catagelophobia | Fear of Being Ridiculed – Tyrion has ALWAYS had to work ten times as hard to get a quarter of the praise his siblings did, and he still has to deal with having his name dragged through the mud. This is why I moved to another country. Fresh starts are always the best. I’ve reinvented myself, and no one will ever know. And if anyone wants to ever meet my family, I’ll just pretend that they’re dead. It’s that simple. I’m such a good planner.
Kakorrhaphiophobia | Fear of Failure or Defeat – Tyrion’s had it rough his entire life. Blamed for his mother’s death, called a dwarf, forced to clean out the sewers… Seriously, it sucks to be Tyrion. No one ever gave him a chance, and pretty much everyone double-crosses him at one point or another. But he’s still kickin’, and I have no doubt that Tyrion’s kakorrhaphiophobia has something to do with it. I will proclaim this now….. I AM TYRION.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.