READER QUESTION FOR THE NARCISSIST WARRIOR, CHAD THE IMPALER – What was the moment or event in your life that made you want to be a narcissist warrior and not a narcissist abuse victim anymore?
An excellent question from an obvious excellent person. And the answer is that every inch of me has wanted narcissist revenge ever since I was born, but for a long time, thinking it felt as good as doing it, and even when I did start, I quickly fizzled.
Strangely enough, being a victim of narcissistic abuse is a lot like being an addict. They say that taking that first step on the road to recovery is the biggest step you’ll take, but those Alcoholic Anonymous motherfuckers must have been high as shit when they said that. And that’s because the first step is easy!!! I’ve done the first step about a thousand times. It’s keeping it going after the first step that’s the meat and potatoes of our conundrum. Anyone can be their own fucking hero for that first day, but every day after that is still a giant struggle. EVERY DAY! This is the jungle, man! Or woman! Or whatever you want to call yourself! You think it’s easy not falling back into my old patterns in this wild west of a world? All it takes is one moment of weakness. It’s not like the universe isn’t throwing narcissists in my face every second of the day now. It’s a 24/7/365, or 366 depending on the year, narcissistic abuse temptation party, and I’m always invited.
You thought this question would be a softball puff piece, didn’t you, excellent person who asked this question? But it triggered the fuck out of me, and now I’m tripping anger balls, and I’m ready to let it all out and tell what you want to hear, and it’s dark. So prepare yourself for what you’re about to read because it may trigger the shit out of you too.
The time I knew I didn’t want to be a victim anymore was the third time I was standing on the Dover Bridge in my hometown. I was depressed and thinking about killing myself, even though I think I never would, especially at this time because I was really excited about the possibility of there being a second season of Stranger Things. I loved Stranger Things as it really made me feel less alone because I saw me on the screen in all of those kids. It made me feel like I belonged. So anyway, I was on the Dover Bridge, still the whipping boy of narcissists and their like, and I couldn’t shake it no matter how hard I tried……until this Narcissistic Dad and his kid walked by me. I knew he was a narcissist without hearing his voice, due to his perfectly plucked eyebrows. When I did overhear their conversation, it confirmed my earlier educated guess about what a piece of shit narcissist this dad really was. I felt horrible for this kid, so I started following them, as it was literally shit my dad would say to me when I was little, and all I wanted to do was protect this kid because no one ever protected me from it. And that’s when Bruce Lee’s face popped into my brain and started talking to me. It was some deep philosophy shit that was never printed in books or filmed in interviews. It was shit that was so profound that it made my ears bleed. I was locked and loaded.
So when we got to the end of the bridge, and I heard this narcissist rat bastard say to this 8-year-old “I’ve done everything for you, and you’re so ungrateful. And it’s your fault now that I’m not happy because your report cards are an embarrassment to the family. Who gets a B in gym, you fat loser? Why can’t you be more like your siblings? And if you don’t get into college and then go to law school, then you’re cut off on that one too!!!!” And that’s when I punched this Narcissist Asswipe in his perfectly plucked eyebrows repeatedly. And as I was beating him. I told dad the kid all about narcissism and how fucked up his dad really is, and not to listen to him because he’s worth way more than his piece of shit dad tells him, and that he should love himself, and believe in himself, and that he can be anything he wants to be. And then I told him to run. But instead of running, that little fucker called the fucking police instead, and I ended up in jail for 6 months, but I got out in two for good behavior, and the court ordered me to get free psychiatry/therapy appointments, and that’s how I met my trusty sidekick, Dr. Jonas Von.
And it was through my first real sign of ass kickery and talking to the doc, that I eventually started working towards my goal of wiping out the narcissist epidemic and fighting the good fight every day. It took some time (A Decade), but I finally started feeling like a warrior, and the reason I’m able to stay clean every day is not because of me, but it’s because of that little shit who ratted me out to the cops. I will admit, I wanted to destroy that ingrate while I was sitting in my jail cell with nothing to do besides masturbate all day, but I’ve now realized that it was the best thing that could have happened. So in a way, I need to thank him, even though he’s a little rat of a kid. However, I’ve now given him the benefit of the doubt because he was most likely still traumatized from his life as a narcissist abuse victim, and because I impaled his father’s eyebrows with my fists. That shit has to be traumatizing, even if you hate the guy being pummelled. And I also want to big-time thank, Dr. Jonas Von too, even though I hate him most of the time. Contrary to my reactions, he’s mostly right about stuff, which is why I hate him most of the time. However, when I’m right, and he’s not, it feels really good because I know he’s actually really proud of me when I learn this stuff. He genuinely cares about me, which is a new thing for me, and feels extra weird because it’s so foreign to my fabric. Sometimes it makes me want to cry because I wished it was always this way, and I cry thinking about the ‘what if’s’ on what kind of person I’d be, but I also cry because of how happy I am about the warrior I am now.
And if any of you tell anyone that I cried, I’m gonna kick your ass FYI. I shared this because I felt like it was a safe space and you all better respect that or you’ll end up like that kid’s dads eyebrows, but you won’t have a little kid to narc me out. And it would really suck to be you at that point…….wouldn’t it?!!!!!
Want to know how Chad the Impaler came to be? Click Here!
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
This post was created with the help of Grammarly.