It’s Been a Whole Year of Change and I’m Still the Same

Posted by Ellis | Jan 7, 2018 | Everything Ellis, Self Esteem | 0 |

Hey Everyone! It’s me! Ellis! I know you haven’t heard from me in awhile and that’s because I hit a bit of a crummy patch and was just chasing myself in circles over and over and over again. Chasing my tail is the worst because pretty much my crummy body is a perfect circle so the inertia of my spinning just takes over and it’s like a never-ending spin of dreidel, and I hope all of my Jewish friends out there enjoyed that reference as much as I did saying it.

I worked so hard this year to change many of my crum-bum habits. I wanted to eat less candy especially chocolate, and I also didn’t want to react to people when I get really angry, and boy can I get really angry sometimes, and I don’t even though if I’m getting worked up over nothing which is why it’s a bad habit. Do you have any habits like that? Ones where you react, but you don’t know if you’re making a big spoon out of a teaspoon?

I guess as for the whole red circle of a being that I am, my year has been about trying to be in the moment and never quitting, as before I was always daydreaming about things like how someone was gonna wrong me and stuff like that. I guess towards the end of the year I lost sight of the changes I’ve been making and was only thinking about what was going wrong in my head at that time. Sometimes my reality gets warped and then I feel shame and guilt about it. Does that ever happen to you? Well, it really sucks Gobstoppers I tell ya.

And in my sucking Gobstoppers phase of my crummy downward spiral, my trusty old friend who is not old at all, Laurel Leaside, listened to everything I had to say and then reminded me of some of 5 of my many wins I had this year.

1. Getting upset when no one shared my blog posts on Facebook but not quitting and learning why they didn’t click so I could be way better next time.

2. Asking for a raise and not feeling guilty about it because I’m smart and I deserve it.

3. Stopped wondering why my crush(that’s a secret and I can’t tell you who it is) didn’t always want to hang out but instead I began to be more independent instead of co-dependent.

4. I noticed that I bite the inside of my cheek when I get really nervous and I start to think crummy bad things but now I notice right away and try to stay in the moment. It’s not easy but I try.

5. I stuck to exercising and for the most part didn’t quit, even though I had some rough patches sometimes. But it makes me feel better when I start to feel more crummy for no reason sometimes.

Laurel is the best, and that made me feel lots better about myself. Even though I don’t feel different from the beginning of the year because of my mini-crumbum blowup, however when I look back, my year was really full of hopscotch jumps and rainbows. Sometimes I got thrown back; I found the rainbow at the end of my rainshower and then I picked myself up and tried to be a better me again. And that’s the big difference I guess. When bad things happen, this Ellis doesn’t quit anymore. And that’s the Ellis I want to be.

I know I’ll have a less crummy 2018 now and I hope you have one too cause I heard 2017 was a real crum-bum year for lots of you.


If you or a loved one you know battles with Trust, Self Esteem, Anxiety, Depression or any other Mental Health Issues like our beloved Ellis, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.


This post was created with the help of Grammarly.

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