Why Can’t I Say No To My Family?

Posted by Bobby Jenkins | Sep 26, 2018 | Bipolar Disorder, Bobby Jenkins: The Diary of a Bipolar Bear, Identity, Relationships | 0 |
Dear Diary,
Mom wants me to come to Dad. She’s used a battery of reasons and keeps assaulting me with her opinion on it. But everyone has an opinion on it.. including Me!

This year when I was the only “good” kid (lol) to show up to Christmas- everything blew up in my face. At Cindy’s almost no one talked to me. I’m a whole adult but they still interact with me like a cub. I guess they’re still double my age- but so are the people I work with, hang out with, and date so I don’t see why I’m suddenly a cub when it involves my parents suburban trash friends. Whatever, I just went for the food. 
Ah yes, the food. I’m in the midst of dental work so I have a couple’a temps. I got a bunch of vegetarian shit onto a plate and then realized a meat eater made them. Very bland, some things were inexplicably crispy… and for a decade now I’ve been choosing when and what I eat. So when I left the plate half full Dad was like “finish your plate Bobby” in a tone meant for a two year. 
On my way out, I said bye to everyone except that fucking creep weirdo psychopath Adam. He’s never apologized for groping me at a family reunion- and he’s not a fucking family member. But he still gets an invite to absolutely everything. 
Adam, in an attempt to make immense, offered me $200 for Christmas. My sanity, authenticity and respect is worth more than that (even though I was broke AF and could really use that..) I said no. 
Dad lost his mind on me accusing me of being part of the “Me Too” movement (I am!!) and being a Trump accuser coming out of the wood work 20 years later. I stopped talking to him and he roared away from the table coming back only to offer me an abrupt ride home. Me and Dad AND Adam haven’t recovered since. I felt betrayed and abandoned. Again, for no reason.
Just like when I was 3 and he left. Or when I was 8 and he came back then disowned me. Or when I was 12 and he accused me of being a drug addict “what. Are you in a fucking 12 step program?: when I was going through therapy and called to say I love you. He has disowned me for NO GOOD REASON AT ALL over and over. So when Mom insists that I should be “open” and “truthful” about my boyfriends I remind her that “dad isn’t open about his girlfriends!” And she insists that because he’s married. But it’s true.
So why would anyone be honest with someone who is closed-minded, ignorant and prone to abandoning anyone that isn’t a “Yes man”? 
I need to stop talking to my mom after a box of wine. She turns into Iyanla and thinks I can’t say “no” to her advice.. 

If you or a loved one you know battles with Bipolar Disorder or any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.



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