Why Can’t I Say No To My Family?

Posted by Bobby Jenkins | Sep 26, 2018 | Bipolar Disorder, Bobby Jenkins: The Diary of a Bipolar Bear, Identity, Relationships | 0 |
Dear Diary,
Mom wants me to come to Dad. She’s used a battery of reasons and keeps assaulting me with her opinion on it. But everyone has an opinion on it.. including Me!

This year when I was the only “good” kid (lol) to show up to Christmas- everything blew up in my face. At Cindy’s almost no one talked to me. I’m a whole adult but they still interact with me like a cub. I guess they’re still double my age- but so are the people I work with, hang out with, and date so I don’t see why I’m suddenly a cub when it involves my parents suburban trash friends. Whatever, I just went for the food. 
Ah yes, the food. I’m in the midst of dental work so I have a couple’a temps. I got a bunch of vegetarian shit onto a plate and then realized a meat eater made them. Very bland, some things were inexplicably crispy… and for a decade now I’ve been choosing when and what I eat. So when I left the plate half full Dad was like “finish your plate Bobby” in a tone meant for a two year. 
On my way out, I said bye to everyone except that fucking creep weirdo psychopath Adam. He’s never apologized for groping me at a family reunion- and he’s not a fucking family member. But he still gets an invite to absolutely everything. 
Adam, in an attempt to make immense, offered me $200 for Christmas. My sanity, authenticity and respect is worth more than that (even though I was broke AF and could really use that..) I said no. 
Dad lost his mind on me accusing me of being part of the “Me Too” movement (I am!!) and being a Trump accuser coming out of the wood work 20 years later. I stopped talking to him and he roared away from the table coming back only to offer me an abrupt ride home. Me and Dad AND Adam haven’t recovered since. I felt betrayed and abandoned. Again, for no reason.
Just like when I was 3 and he left. Or when I was 8 and he came back then disowned me. Or when I was 12 and he accused me of being a drug addict “what. Are you in a fucking 12 step program?: when I was going through therapy and called to say I love you. He has disowned me for NO GOOD REASON AT ALL over and over. So when Mom insists that I should be “open” and “truthful” about my boyfriends I remind her that “dad isn’t open about his girlfriends!” And she insists that because he’s married. But it’s true.
So why would anyone be honest with someone who is closed-minded, ignorant and prone to abandoning anyone that isn’t a “Yes man”? 
I need to stop talking to my mom after a box of wine. She turns into Iyanla and thinks I can’t say “no” to her advice.. 

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