Dear Judge Mental Jones,
My wife says she is struggling with depression. It’s been a long time since I can remember her smiling and she won’t seek treatment. I’ve booked her numerous therapy appointments in the past but she says she’s too tired to get ready and go. But I’ve seen her at home (going nowhere) randomly dressed up and in full makeup so I became suspicious.
She left her Facebook messages open the other day and it seems like she’s having an online affair with someone (suggestive photos/too many hearts and winks for a stranger I’ve never heard of from her hometown). I think she’s just withdrawing from me while cheating and blaming depression. But if she is depressed, I don’t want to make it worse by confronting her without all the facts. I care about her deeply and want out marriage to work. How do I help her but at the same time make sure I don’t get burned in the process?
Dear Is My Husband Suffering From Depression Or Is He Cheating On Me?,
Usually, I’ll play it straight down the middle on this one and take both sides of the argument but based on the evidence you’ve provided me with; your wife is definitely having an affair. Turning a blind eye is not a cure for your sanity either.
In fact, you need to become a super sleuth in response to this and gather as much evidence as you can. If it’s on Facebook, and there’s a track record- then her phone is probably littered with messages- and Instagram too. When you’re done letting her dig her own grave, then hit her with the hard truths – you can’t leverage mental illness to be a scandalous prospector.
Marriages are a lot of work, and I’d say secure a rainy day fund. Start going to a therapist and get yourself prepared for the inevitable confrontation and breakup. Or book a couples session and ask her about this slimy creep- by name- while you’re there and get a professional’s opinion.
If you are the breadwinner amongst the two of you and you want to avoid spousal support, you really want to draw this thing out. I’d suggest quitting your job so when divorce time does come; you’d be the one asking for support from her. Am I an asshole for suggesting it? Yes! But your feelings have been hurt, and I’m here for you pal. And for those reading this, I’m here for you all. I’ll come up with every trick in the book just to make you all feel better.
xo Judge Mental Jones
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.
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