Dear Judge Mental Jones,
I have social anxiety and my fiancé keeps signing me up for his extravagant family and work activities, like week long Cottage trips and destination weddings (where I know no one but him). His friends hate me because I don’t connect with them or build rapport, and even his parents have given him ultimatums about cancelling on family trips. I always insist on him going without me, but he’s so supportive that he usually cancels citing his “hectic schedule” instead of my social anxiousness- but his family knows better. My anxiety is affecting my love life and my love’s life. Help!!
Dear Socially Anxious Fiancé,
Is he TWELVE!? Why does he need to be babysat at family and work activities!? Is there an alcohol or cocaine problem you left out!? He’s capable of going to any goddamn event his heart desires. Saying “YES” to the ring didn’t fuse you two into one mentally healthy person with the same social interests and capabilities. And FUCK being liked by the family- that shit wears off anyway. Spoiler alert: you will NEVER win that battle.
This is now the second letter in a row where it seems Codependency might be a huge issue. Is your fiancé not going to these events because he wants to be with you or because he just doesn’t want to answer questions about where you are? If it’s the first one, then you have a bigger problem than your social anxiety on your hands. Please buy the book Codependent No More for you and your fiance immediately.
Now if he just doesn’t want to answer questions about your whereabouts all the time then just lie to people! Duh. Tell them you’re busy volunteering with the homeless/helping overstaffed daycares/helping your blind neighbor with cooking/ volunteering at a suicide help center. Eventually, after all of the years- you’ll look like a regular Mother Teresa, and it would be a SIN to speak badly of you.
Also, everyone hates destination weddings that aren’t theirs. Someone else planning a vacation for you would give ANYONE anxiety. Also, having psycho judgy in-laws taking attendance at every family trip? Ya, that’s a fucking nightmare. So maybe you’re normal, and your fiancé isn’t even covering for you- but finds his own prying family a fucking nightmare too, but doesn’t want to scare you off even more. Invest in some Xanax for the necessary ones and always have a good “work emergency” in your back pocket.
Now….. If we want to be mature about all of this, and yes, I can be fucking mature. Stigma aside, you should open up and be honest with everyone about your social anxiety. Odds are there’s someone else in that family or group of friends that have the exact same issue as you or has something else chewing up their self-esteem and you just might be the person the brings everyone together. That’s right! Once someone shows their vulnerability, you’ll be surprised how many other brave souls start to reach out to you too.
You just may be a social anxiety ridden beacon of hope.
xo Judge Mental Jones
If you or a loved one you know battles with any Mental Health Issues, please do get the help you need. If you need to talk to someone now, you can talk to one of the many fantastic therapists at Better Help by CLICKING HERE.